Navel lint fluff collected by librarian Graham Parker
In a prepared statement released today, upstart online shooting sports discounter Cheaper Than Navel Lint announced that it has filed for bankruptcy protection.
Few industry insiders were surprised today by Cheaper Than Navel Lint’s bankruptcy announcement. While company leaders have always expressed confidence, few outside the firm were optimistic about the company’s ability to compete with established online shooting supplies retailer Cheaper Than Dirt, America’s Ultimate Shooting Sports Discounter.
“We thought we had a really good business model” stated the company’s CEO, Michael Bloomberg. “From day one, our objective was to compete head on with CheaperThanDirt.com. Obviously dirt is pretty cheap, but we thought there was room for improvement. After all, dirt is not free and some people even pay for it. We were pretty optimistic that we could find something even cheaper than dirt and use that as the foundation of our marketing campaign.”
According to early investor, librarian Graham Barker, the idea to form the company came to him after years of collecting his own navel lint. “When the people from the Guinness Book of World Records declared my 26 year old collection of navel lint as the world’s largest, I started thinking about ways to turn a profit from my creepy habits.” stated Barker. “It was pure chance that I met Michael Bloomberg at an infomercial product convention. Once he told me of his search to find something cheaper than dirt, I knew we had the foundation for a great partnership.”
After 18 months of operation, the firm failed to make any product sales, which ultimately led to the bankruptcy filing. “I’m ready to give it another shot” stated an upbeat Bloomberg. “Next time we’ll probably go with a marketing campaign that’s a little less disturbing though.”
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