Unlike Mia, I had no problem whatsoever addressing this scenario. After all, I’m a world-class expert at rationalizing my gun purchases. Don’t believe me? Then explain how I have so many guns, yet am still happily married. At least until my better half reads this article.
For a limited time only, I’m going to share some of my top secret methods. Just be warned, these ideas are powerful. They’re 100% successful almost 47% of the time.
1. Play the man card.
You’ve got to play the “man’s responsibility” card. A lot. “Honey, the only thing I lose sleep over is that I’m not living up to my obligation as a man to protect you and the kids. It’s my obligation, and I’m honored to have this opportunity.” How can you go wrong when you’re telling your wife you’re HONORED to protect her?
2. Get gun trash.
Acquire some good trading trash. Excellent! Buy a couple of “trade guns.” They can be worthless and non-functional. Don’t spend more than $20 each on them. Buying trade trash is your first victory. When you get home, confess to your wife that you bought a new gun. Then tell her you spent less than the steaks you had for dinner last night. That gives you some advance “frugal shopper” credibility. Next, when you’re hankering for a new Beretta ARX-100, take one of your trade trash guns to a gun store and trade it as credit towards your ARX-100 purchase. When you get home, you can tell your spouse that you “traded” that old Rust Collector .38 Special for the ARX-100. Don’t worry about the details of the transaction, like the fact that you had to trade your junker plus the full retail price of the new gun, plus a $20 environmental impact fee to the dealer to get rid of your trade trash gun.
3. Tool time.
Guns are just another type of tool, right? Use your imagination here. Who would object to you buying another tool that will benefit the family? “Honey, I need to run out and get a tool for that project I was working on. You know, the one on my list?” Hey, it sounds like you’re dealing with that list of household maintenance items. Be creative, vague and run with it! The spoils go to the bold.
4. Look how much money I saved you!
Turn the tables on her. You know how, every now and then, she comes home with something extravagant and justifies the purchase saying something like “Honey, you wouldn’t believe the deal I got on this, it was on SALE!” You can do the same thing, as long as you don’t make a stink when she does it. You let her impulse buys slide, then she lets your impulse buys slide. Quid pro quo.
5. BOGO!
While this is related to the previous strategy, it’s subtly different. For those who aren’t professional shoppers, BOGO is professional shopper code for buy one, get one free. “Honey, I bought a new gun, but it was a BOGO deal, so I took advantage.” Who can argue with that?
Be sure to check out Tom’s latest books! They are ON SALE now for a limited time!
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