One of the first rules of Sharknado combat tactics is that when your dual 1911s run dry, you have to casually flip them over your shoulder before grabbing the M4A1 carbines you have strapped on.
The danger is upon us, people. I’m talking about the growing threat of Sharknado films. We’ve already had at least three outbreaks: the original 2013 film and subsequent sequels in 2014 (“Sharknado 2: The Second One”) and this year’s “Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!” And a fourth is rumored to occur in 2016.
If you’re not familiar with the Sharknado films, they’re campy, deliberately over-the-top movies by the Scyfy channel about freak weather occurrences drawing sharks, and sharks only, from the depths of the ocean and dumping them in heavily populated areas such as New York and Washington, D.C. You have to roll with the setup in order to enjoy the movies and watch the citizens continually defend themselves with a myriad of weapons—and that’s where we come in.
Here’s look at some of the firearms used by the Heroic Hammerhead Hunters to good effect in the latest release.
Beretta 92FS
Just nine minutes into the movie, sharks are raining down on Washington, D.C., and crashing through the White House roof. Fortunately, Secret Service Agent Mythbuster Grant Imahara knows exactly how to rock his 15-round 9mm. Imahara’s primary duty is to protect the president, but sadly, he allows the chief of staff (comedian Bill Engvall) to become an appetizer for a testy tiger shark. Karma carries the day as a 4-foot sandbar shark consumes Imahara, who can’t get a shot off from his trusty Beretta.
Model 1911, Mil-Spec
Finn Shepard picks up a pair of well-used mil-spec 1911s from the White House Armory and unloads on a flying 7-foot tiger shark. Even with those tiny original sights, he manages to make serious shark soup. Given the notoriety of the round, it’s no surprise when he blows the ill-tempered fish completely in half. Apparently you can’t go wrong with a .45, provided you have two.
In case you wondering, Model 1911s are awesome for shark defense.
Mossberg 500 Cruiser 12-gauge
When you live in the White House, you get to pick whatever gun you want from the armory. This movie president (Mark Cuban) chooses what appears to be a Mossberg Cruiser with a heat shield. We don’t know if he uses buckshot or slugs, but the amount of shark blood makes it clear he chose well. We have to assume that maneuverability indoors was a key factor in the decision to lose the butt stock.
Got something to say?