Ammo Review: Hornady Critical Defense vs. Butt Modulating Yogurt

Admit it. You’ve already got the Activia jingle going in your head.

Hornady Critical Defense ‘regulating’ prune flavored Activia.

Or at least you’re wondering why a perennial hottie like Jamie Lee Curtis is now hawking butt modulating yogurt.

Or what happens when bullets strike Bifidus Regularis bacteria – gajillions of them?

Or whether ammunition has occasional irregularity?

Or whether prune flavored yogurt has a messier ballistic aftermath than something fruitier – like strawberry mango tropi-blend with guava-kiwi-pomegranate concentrate?

Or if premium ammunition is worth the cost in terms of facilitating intestinal transit?

But enough of that. After seeing the Activia commercial for the 3,012th time, and listening to its claims of being able to handle the toughest of bowels, we had to ask some questions.

Prune Activia – Pre-Yogurtal Expansion

Can prunes handle Hornady Critical Defense pills?

Can Activia regulate the performance of high velocity 9mm and .40 S&W expanding ammunition?

Is the explosion caused by bullets hitting prune yogurt similar to that caused by prune yogurt hitting your bowels?

These are important questions and we aimed to find out.

If you hadn’t figured it out already, we stocked up on Prune Flavored Activia and headed to the range with a few boxes of both Hornady Critical Defense and Hornady Critical Duty ammo. Jamie Lee Curtis did not attend as ballistic testing is not covered in her endorsement contract.

Glock 17, Critical Defense, and Critical Duty vs. Intestinal flora.

What caliber is appropriate for prune yogurt? We had no idea, so we went with two common self-defense calibers – 9mm and .40 Smith & Wesson. Not knowing how tough of a barrier prune flavored Activia is, we tried both Hornady Critical Defense, designed for civilian self defense use, and Hornady Critical Duty, designed to penetrate tougher bowels barriers, yet still expand.

Here’s what we learned.

We’ve found that the Beretta PX4 loaded with Hornady Critical Defense and Critical Duty ammo facilitates intestinal transit with aplomb.

Shooting yogurt makes everyone at the range laugh like kindergartners with a whoopee cushion.

Expansion was not an issue. The yogurt expanded all over the range, and some counties of 3 bordering states.

When shooting yogurt, bring lots of wet wipes.

If you get into a running gunfight in a health food store, no worries about evil d00dz taking cover behind the Activia display – you can shoot right through it.

You can buy Hornady Critical Defense and Critical Duty Ammunition here.