People who play with guns have all sorts of reasons for not joining the NRA. I forgot. My dog ate my computer. My dog peed on my computer. I am a member – I sent them $10 27 years ago. I bought a used gun, so I’m automatically a member. Isn’t it part of my AARP membership? I have my voter registration card, so I’m a member. I watch Top Shot on TV – doesn’t that make me a member? I got my membership in a box of Lucky Charms.

We’ve heard all the excuses. With that said, here’s our Top 13 list of reasons NOT to join the NRA…

  1. If more people join the NRA, then Hugo Chavez will have no chance of getting nominated to the United States Supreme Court. Be compassionate people! What’s a despot dictator to do in his retirement years?
  2. Operation Fast and Furious may be less fast and less furious with too much NRA oversight. If our government is going to export guns to Mexican drug lords, let’s do it with style and plenty of volume – that’s the American way!
  3. I am married to: (fill in the blank) Eric Holder, Michael Bloomberg, Wayne LaPierre, or Vladimir Putin
  4. If the NRA gets any more clout, those crazy Fast and Furious testimonies on CSPAN may come to a premature end. And everything else on daytime TV stinks now that All My Children is off the air.
  5. Being part of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy is so 1990’s
  6. I’ve built my own intercontinental ballistic missile and the NRA is not fighting for my rights to cap it with a multiple-warhead nuclear bomb. It’s my right!
  7. I already get my gun rights news from The Huffington Post and New York Times. I’ve got my objective news sources covered already.
  8. I don’t want to encourage worldwide deforestation by adding my name to the NRA-ILA direct mail list.
  9. Eddie the Eagle reminds me of clowns. And I have Coulrophobia . That’s fear of clowns.
  10. I already subscribe to Communist Dictators Quarterly magazine and don’t really want another subscription to American Rifleman. I can only read so much propaganda in a months time.
  11. What’s a Constitution? Is that like when you eat too much cheese and get all backed up?
  12. George Soros owns The Freedom Group, which owns all the gun companies, which own the NRA.
  13. They never serve Chateaubriand at Friends of NRA dinners.

Bu seriously folks. No excuses. If you own a gun, believe in little details like your right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of satellite TV, then you need to join the NRA.

Yeah, they’ve probably done something you disagree with, but so has your spouse/brother/sister/father/mother/child/neighbor. So get over it. Join all the other organizations you like. We do. There are a lot of great ones out there. Just be sure to add a +1 to that 4 million member number that freaks out all those certified politicians in Washington.

You can join here.