Today, Smith & Wesson (SWHC), long time maker of firearms and accessories, has experienced a meteoric rise of its share price over the past six weeks, resulting in a total market capitalization greater than that of the Federated States of Micronesia.

Ben Cartwright - Bonanza

CEO Ben Cartwright

“We could not be more pleased with the recent share price growth” said Smith & Wesson CEO Ben Cartwright. “We’re up 87% just since the election. We’re not growing quite as fast as the list of Paris Hilton’s ex-boyfriends, but we’re getting darn tootin’ close.”

In related news, Ruger Firearms (RGR) has posted gains of 66% during the same period. Matt Dillon, Executive Vice President of Business Development and Law and Order, notes “That endorsement deal we did with Barak Obama last summer really paid off. We got a fistful of dollars out of that one for dang sure.”

Not everyone was as pleased with the news. Rahm Emanuel, White House Chief of Staff commented “The whole business
success thing is kind of upsetting. Here we are working really hard to gen up a huge crisis so we can ram our outrageous agenda through Congress, and this kind of good news is just no help at all. Even worse, with all these people buying guns the past few months you would think they didn’t trust us.”

Neither CEO would comment on rumors of a hostile takeover of the Island States.