Automatic gunfire erupted from the residence of actor Charlie Sheen late last night when a gang of alleged womanizers arrived at the stars’ home to take custody of “The Goddesses.” Eyewitnesses indicate that Sheen was armed with a Saco M60 E3 Shorty belt-fed weapon. Fortunately no one was hurt as Sheen apparently obtained a blank firing version of the weapon from the NRA Museum’s Hollywood Gun Exhibit.
According to neighbors, a commotion started at approximately 3:30am when Sheen opened fire on the group of lovestruck romeos from his balcony. Eyewitnesses heard Sheen shouting “Taking my kids is one thing, but there’s no way you’re getting The Goddesses! I’m a rock star from Mars! Duh! Winning! Ahhhhhhhhhh!”
According to police at the scene, the gang of alleged womanizers appeared at Sheen’s doorstep with a court order from Judge Judy authorizing them to take custody of The Goddesses. “When we realized Charlie was preoccupied with losing his kids, we saw an opportunity to get some hot porn stars” explained Brett Favre. “So I called up a few of my friends and we went to court to get a restraining order.”
Other participants in The Goddesses’ intervention group included Wilt Chamberlain, Jersey Shore reality star Single Ronnie, Hugh Hefner, pro golfer Tiger Woods, and Giacomo Casanova. “When I heard that Goddesses came in pairs, there was no question about me joining this effort” commented Hefner. Some neighbors claimed to have seen John Beckwith and Jeremy Grey with the gang, but those reports remain unconfirmed.