Billy Mays

Billy Mays


Gun Salesman of the Year

Can anyone (except Willy Loman of course) outsell Billy Mays? Apparently the CEO of the Office of the President Elect can.

I just ran across a couple of posts by SayUncle and Call me Ahab that pointed to yet another record month of gun sales since the election. According to the FBI, background checks required for gun purchases topped 1.5 million in December. That’s 292,901 more than December of 2007. That’s a lot of guns, especially considering you can buy more than one per background check.

It got me to thinking.

I know that in the average month, Billy manages to sell about 341,532 boxes of Mighty Putty. OK I just made that up, but it sure sounds impressive. But it did make me appreciate what a big number 1,523,426 is. Hmmmm….

· 1.5 million guns have to cost somewhere in the neighborhood of a half a billion dollars! That’s about 96 minutes of bailout money for General Motors, and almost as much as Governor Rod Blagojevich wanted for the Illinois Senate seat the way I figure it.

· All those guns have to weigh about 6.8 million pounds. That’s about 50% more than the space shuttle weighs. It would take Nancy Pelosi about 114 trips to haul all of those guns across country in her taxpayer funded Boeing 757.

· If you lined up all those new guns, they would form a CNN hand wringing line of doom about 601 miles long. That’s over twice as far as George Clooney’s electric car can go on a charge, and nearly as far as John Kerry can backpeddle in a 90 minute Presidential debate. Heck, with 601 miles to spare, a sober Ted Kennedy could have driven across the Dike Bridge in Chappaquiddick 42,310 times.

Wow, those sales numbers are mind bottling. For those of you who are not “Blades of Glory” fans, that’s “when things are so crazy it gets your thoughts all trapped, like in a bottle.”

Gotta run and do some more really important analytical stuff.