Police artist composite of the teleporting goat

A goat, captured in Nigeria on suspicion of armed robbery, has apparently teleported to Wyoming and is now suspected of arson. While authorities do not have definitive proof of the goats teleportation, it seems probable according to Clebe Lochoise, Laramie Farm Animal Enforcement Bureau.  “In all my years, I have yet to meet a goat who can fly a plane, much less drive a truck. The way I see it, he used that same mystical power that turned him into a goat in the first place to teleport here or something. He’s probably a closet Trekkie. There’s nothing worse than a goat who watches too many Star Trek reruns.”

Once in Larabie, the alleged goat arsonist quickly established a cult following among other goats in a local barn.  The seemingly innocent barnyard sect met a tragic end when the goats were convinced by their new-found leader to chew through electrical wires, setting the barn ablaze.

According the the Associated Press, via the Miami Herald,

These goats may have gotten a baaah-d idea from Mrs. O’Leary’s cow. A
fire destroyed a barn near Laramie, Wyo., on Monday. Firefighters
suspect some goats inside the barn started the fire by nibbling through
electric heater cords or knocking down a heating lamp.

Barn owner Dale Wood says the barn was a total loss and at least three female goats died. Neighbors alerted Wood’s son to the fire, who called firefighters and tried to put out the flames.

At this time, there is no reason to believe that the suspected robber-arsonist goat can transfigure into other farm animals, but locals are being asked to keep a close eye out for suspicious gatherings of non-cloven hoofed animals