Face it. Not all criminals have the advantages of a first rate education that newly appointed Treasury Secretary Geithner has enjoyed. Burglary, assault, tax evasion, and drunk and disorderly conduct are not skills easily mastered without proper training and education opportunities. In today’s global economy, the ability of our hoodlums to compete is vital to our nations long-term wealth redistribution program.
A July, 2001 column from Dave Barry got me to thinking. With a trillion dollar bailout bill floating around, certainly we can spare a billion or two to help our brethren in need.
Not so long ago, American criminals ranked among the best in the
world. Foreigners were terrified to come here because our criminals
were so good at making our streets unsafe. Today, however, we are
producing incompetent criminals who not only have allowed the crime
rate to drop alarmingly, but who also, when they DO attempt to break
the law, commit crimes of a quality that is, frankly, embarrassing.
Consider a story from The Capital, in Annapolis, Md., written by Brian Schleter
and sent in by many alert readers. According to this article, an
alleged parole violator was about to be taken into custody in the
county courthouse in Annapolis when he suddenly ran from the courtroom.
So far, so good; criminals are supposed to flee.
The suspect, pursued by sheriff’s deputies, ran into the nearby Maryland Inn, where
he hid in a closet. This is still acceptably competent criminal behavior.
But then, according to The Capital, the man decided to
disguise himself by ”putting on a bunny suit.” I am not making this
up. For some reason, which is not explained in the Capital article, the
closet contained a full-size bunny suit, with large pink ears, and the
suspect climbed into it. Maybe he thought this would fool the deputies.
FIRST DEPUTY: He ran into that closet!
SECOND DEPUTY (opening closet door): Nope! There’s nobody in here but a giant bunny!
FIRST DEPUTY: Darn!
Keep thuggery and general malfeasance in America! Contact your Congressional representatives today!