The number of gun permits surged 15% over the past two years according to The Boston Globe, creating near perfect conditions for increasing the state’s criminal population. With the addition of 28,000 Class A firearms permits, commonly called a “license to carry,” Massachusetts now has over 224,000 newly minted criminals in training.
Some questioned the connection between gun permit holders and crime. “Do you really think a permit alone qualifies these people as criminals?” asked one citizen. “It takes years of incarceration to learn the tricks of the trade and none of these folks have never seen the inside of the slammer. I think this is really going to bring down the quality level of our average hoodlum.”
But police officials generally disagree. “Look, if these people were really law abiding, why would they want to own and carry a gun?” asked Boston Police Captain Patrick O’Malley. “We’re just thankful that they are generally docile and easier to arrest. If we have to arrest people anyway, I would much rather that person be an accountant or housewife rather than a gang banger or street thug.”
Most agree that the surge in permit activity will yield much needed economic benefits by decreasing criminal unemployment and swelling the ranks of state and county law enforcement.
“We’re thrilled about the fresh crop of citizens to rough up.” said Harry Callahan, spokesperson for the Massachusetts Office of Public Safety. “We’re going to have to hire at least 750 new officers statewide to harass these folks.”
criminals don’t apply for licenses idiot! ……”if these people were really law-abiding, why would they need a gun?” ….WTF?! oh, dang I dunno…maybe it’s to protect themselves from all the psychos out their trying to kill us? But hey, what do I know, I’m just a crazy in training right? You know, come to think of it, I was just thinking this morning, “hey you know what I need to do? obtain a gun legally….SO I CAN COMMIT A CRIME!” h.christ, what a f’n MORON!!!!
And this, my friends, is how I know when I am writing some high quality satire 🙂