Recent studies by noted economist John Lott have uncovered a surprising and unexpected outcome of some countries’ efforts to curb crime with strict gun ban measures.
“Initially when we implemented gun ban measures, we hoped for an arse about face change in murder and other violent crimes” observed Ed Balls, Shadow Home Secretary. While we really didn’t see that outcome, which kind of brassed me off, what we did find was far more brilliant. Really.”
Government officials recently unveiled new crime figures to the public, allowing analysis of murder rate trends in England, Wales, and Ireland since respective gun bans were implemented. To the surprise and dismay of many government staffers, the post gun ban crime figures appeared to show dramatic increases in murder and other violent crimes including assault, armed robbery, and rape.
“Blimey. The crime increases are a load of codswallop” complained Balls. “But look at the bright side – we’ve got some really interesting graphs now. Before we enacted the bans, our year to year graphs and charts were really quite boring. Flat year after year. When you’re trying to impress the Queen the last thing you want is flat line graphs. She’ll think you’re barmy if you don’t show up with impressive PowerPoint slides once in a while.”
Alistair Birtwistle, a rising star in the House of Commons agrees. “Being a government official, I don’t really know much about posting results, but from the Federal Express commercials I see on the telly, it appears one should really show graphs that are climbing upward, and our legislation posted very good results on that front. We’ve got spikes, climbs, trends, growth, and Bob’s your uncle.”