The Rodent Chronicles, Part 3: The Importance of Proper Uniform

If you have been following the Rodent Chronicles series, you’ll know that I have thus far been outsmarted by a garbage eating animal with a brain the size of a .177 pellet.

I think I have figured out the problem. All successful military campaigns include dudes with really snazzy looking uniforms. You have to look good to win right?

When Rome ruled the world, their tough guys wore nice skirts like this. Notice the subtle, yet powerful combination of fabric and iron:

Roman military uniform

Roman military uniform

And who can’t be impressed by the snazzy digs that the Swiss guards of the Vatican wear? If you’re protecting the Pope after all, you have to look higher and mightier than the average grunt. And nothing instills fear in your enemy like draping chiffon.

Swiss guard at the Vatican

Mega-intimidating Swiss Guard Uniform


My wife got me this. I think it will help bring victory.



Uniform de la Muerte


  1. says

    The Romans would have loved firearms. The notion that skirts are female is due 100% to associative reasoning. Pants came from horseback riding (95% causation) and living in arctic areas (5% causation). In 378AD the Romans were badly beaten at the Battle of Adrianople by trousered cavalrymen. By 393AD Rome exiled men in pants and seized their property. Pants were politically subversive and held the mark of the barbarian; same with the Greeks. One of the Roman words for pants was “feminalia” in reference to female Persian attire. “Pants” comes from Pantalone, the top clown of the medieval Italian Comedy of the Arts. Lucas McCain “The Rifleman” had a Scottish name but was habituated to blue jeans. The best rifle shooter of all time! Men and women should present as the gender they are, but we stopped worrying about women wearing pants; the other worry about men persists and flies in the face of history. I don’t think the Romans would have traded crucifixion for firing squad, but their victims would have greatly preferred it.

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