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One of the pleasures of attending the NRA Annual Meeting in Pittsburgh was the interesting people I met while there. With a crowd of over 71,000 I figured I was bound to meet other forward-thinking and wise folks who are busy preparing for the zombie apocalypse. The mysterious shiny-headed man behind New Jovian Thunderbolt is one of them. In addition to being the only person I have witnessed getting licked on the head by Top Shot Champ Iain Harrison, he’s a pretty funny guy. I ran across this while checking out one of the newest sites on My Gun Culture’s daily read list:
“The problem with quotes on the internet is it is difficult to verify their authenticity.”
- Abraham Lincoln
From: New Jovian Thunderbolt
Uh-oh. My home state…
In honor of tomorrows release of AMC’s The Walking Dead Series 1 DVD set, we thought it appropriate to call out our choices for the most desirable Zombie killing guns. You never know when the Zombies will come, so its best to be prepared.
While scientific data on Zombie killing is fairly light, we’ve learned a lot from the T.V. and the movies – both excellent sources for hard empirical data. For example, it appears that Zombies are not very concerned about traditional ‘human’ factors like caliber selection, knockout power, or foot-pounds of energy. A simple head shot seems to do the job with most any caliber weapon. Given that, you’ll notice that our official recommendations are skewed a little more towards accuracy, capacity, and reliability. When you’re facing a horde of irritable walkers, you can’t be thinking about those tiresome jams, reloads or immediate action drills.
At risk of this site being boycotted by gun nuts everywhere, you’ll notice we didn’t include a 1911 model handgun. Against un-dead opponents, this is a great and proven option. But we’re talking about the walking dead here and capacity counts. No wimpy 7 round magazines for us when facing a few hundred hungry Zombies. High capacity and plentiful cheap ammo aside, we left out .22′s as well. Zombies require a skull penetrating head shot and the .22 just can’t provide 100% certainty. Shotguns? Probably great fun, but again, accuracy and capacity make good Walker medicine.
With those criteria in mind, here are our recommendations for when, not if, the zombie apocalypse comes:
|Good handling indoors and low recoil for fast follow up shots. Proven in battle. 30 round capacity, integral suppressor, and retractable stock. We now know that Zombies are learning to open doors, so indoor performance is key. All the cool movie action heroes use them. What’s not to love?|
|An obvious choice. Ready availability, plentiful 9mm ammo that can be retrieved from military outposts, high capacity, and outstanding reliability. Obviously it will have a Crimson Trace LG-402M Mil Spec laser grip. Duh.
Plus, this one has ‘real world’ proof of performance. In The Walking Dead, our hero, Rick Grimes, uses an M9 version to nail 15 zombies on a full tilt run while trying to escape from an irritable horde in downtown Atlanta. If that’s not scientific evidence, what is?
|Maybe we’ll get trapped in the CheaperThanDirt.com warehouse where we will have to make our final stand. If that’s the case, and ammo availability is not a problem, we might choose the FN Happy Fun Combo of a Five-seveN and a PS90. Not a bad setup when your back up gun has a 20 round capacity.|
|We won’t be equipped with just any AR15. Ours will be Zombie customized with horde-ready Surefire 100 round magazines. More importantly, ours will also be suppressed. Everyone knows that Zombies are attracted to noise. We might even spring for a supply of subsonic 5.56mm ammo to make it even quieter.|
|At risk of being politically incorrect, this is exactly the right situation for an extra high capacity magazine, so the Glock 17 with a 33 round mag gets added to the list. Of course, one would want a supply of standard capacity mags as well for portability.|
|Handy and lightweight. .30 caliber seems to be plenty for zombies. Easy to aim and 15-30 round capacity. Ammo availability could be a problem, but you can carry a lot once you find a supply. OK, so maybe this one is not the most practical, but we had to include it because we just really like M1 Carbines. They were all over the place in Band of Brothers.|
|The new Sig 226 E2 model is just plain comfortable in the hand. Oh, and its battle proven to boot. High capacity, ultimate reliability. We would pick one in 9mm.|
What say you?
“Monday, November 15, 2010 The coming Apocalypse I love zombie movies.
Whether it’s the concept of so many oxygen thieves wiped away from the population, the idea of a world where guns are not an optional accessory or frowned upon, or the idea that twinkies are indeed a holy grail to be sought out, I dig the idea of a zombie apocalypse.
What I don’t like, are the obvious flaws in thought in every movie.
1. People in comas generally WON’T wake up without medical care. No one adds water to the feeding tube, in about 3 days you’re dead. Not to mention that since outbreaks would spread rapidly in hospitals (since they don’t take prophylaxis against the zombie virus) your are laying undefended and helpless in bed–a veritable buffet for the walking dead. Also, waking up 28 days later means either waking up in a pile of your own poo, or waking up with a colostomy bag the size of a hefty bag. In the case of the…”
Hat tip: Say Uncle