Size Matters

Size Matters - A10 Warthog Gatling Gun

Size Matters - A10 Warthog Gatling Gun

Shown: A-10 ‘Warthog’ 30mm, 7 barrel Gatling Gun.

40mm Machine Gun vs. Mannequin

Another educational installment from a ‘professional’ Russian. Watch til the end to see how the manequin fares against a 40mm shell…

Headin’ On Down To Shooty-ville… LuckyGunner Blogger Shoot

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LuckyGunner Blogger Shoot Sponsors

The crack investigative team at My Gun Culture has gained access to an operation so secret it is known to few outside the gun blogging community. And those who don’t know, but find out, will have to be killed. Or at least power-wedgied.

According to our unnamed inside sources, LuckyGunner.com, in conjunction with Magtech, Sellier & Bellot, and RangeMaster, will be hosting a full-blown-full-auto-explosive-shooty-up-bang-bang festival over Memorial Day weekend. While the location is secret, many believe it will take place at Area 51, aka Dreamland.

In addition to free tactical pistol and shotgun training from RangeMaster, attendees will be testing large amounts of free ammunition in most common calibers – all provided by Magtech, Sellier & Bellot and LuckyGunner.com.

These companies may sound familiar as there has been much speculation that LuckyGunner provided the MagTech and Sellier & Bellot ammunition recently used during the Osama Bin Laden raid. No word as to whether Seal Team 6 will be in attendance. If they choose to attend, it’s likely that no one will know anyway.

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Weapons In Attendance

Additionally, participants will be required to shoot the following weapons without (visibly) crying.

Yes, seriously.

As our readers know, we are all about giving. So with great personal sacrifice, we will be attending this event in order to provide full coverage for you.

Our plan as of now is to release to the public photos of this historic event.

Update: On further consideration, we have decided against releasing photos from this event as it is not in the best interest of the country. We need to be sensitive to the considerations of others who are not in attendance and therefore feel ill will towards us. And we are definitely not ones to ‘spike the football‘ so to speak.

Update to the update: On even further consideration, we’ve now figured out that the photos will leak to the public anyway, so we might as well publish them.

If technology allows, we will also attempt to capture the sound of our editor screaming like a little girl when he fires the PAK 38 Anti-Tank field artillery piece.

It’s not just an adventure; it’s a job.

 

Army Field Tests Synthetic Soldiers

Army soldier gear of the future plastic

Passive Lightweight Assault Strike Troop Integrated Command (PLASTIC)

New media bloggers from The Firearm Blog and Inspire Me Now have apparently blown the lid off a top secret Army soldier development program. Kept tightly under wraps until now, the Passive Lightweight Assault Strike Troop Integrated Command (PLASTIC) program is designed to equip modern day infantry soldiers with synthetic urban assault combat gear.

Designed to be impervious to most current weapons systems, the system intends to create nearly indestructible, and disposable, rapid assault teams.

One potential weakness of the system is the threat of really, really bright sunlight focused through a really, really big magnifying glass. Fortunately there is no current and credible intelligence implying development of large magnifying glass technology by any of the Axis of Evil countries.

Designed to help elite tactical troops to blend in to suburban environments as ordinary toy soldiers, the new system still has some kinks to work out. “I spotted these guys right away. They’re like 6 feet tall” said passerby Al Bundy. “All the toy soldiers I have ever had were like 2 inches tall. Not even half the height of my kid Bud.”

C-17 Globemaster Transport Deploying PLASTIC Soldiers

C-17 Globemaster Using BAG Deployment System

In related news, the Army is rumored to be testing a new rapid deployment system that takes full advantage of the composite fiber molded plastic technology. Referred to by insiders as BAGS, or Battalion Assault Group System, the new system leverages a close relative of the plastic family – cellophane.

“Given the nature of this system, we can package a couple hundred or so soldiers up in a BAGS delivery system and drop it from a plane just about anywhere” bragged Army General George C. Scott. “It sure makes a mess when it hits the ground, but we’ve got plenty of buck Privates available.”

Palm Pistol Deep Sea Submersible Completes Endurance Testing

Palm Pistol Submersible

Palm Pistol Submersible

Earlier this month, Constitution Arms completed endurance testing of its revolutionary new combination Palm Pistol and Miniature Automated Deep Sea Submersible, or MADSS.

The versatile device is expected to serve the emerging market for personal protection while performing deep sea exploration. “As a result of our extensive market research efforts, we’re pretty sure we’ve hit on a unique market” said Don Draper, Vice President of Marketing. “We’ve not been able to identify any competitive offerings that combine a .38 Special single shot firearm with a fully automated submarine exploration unit. It’s definitely unique.”

Constitution Arms Palm Pistol

Constitution Arms Palm Pistol

In preparation for market introduction, the Palm Pistol Submersible completed two rigorous yet distinct testing protocols administered by an unnamed certified ASTM certified non-destructive metallurgic testing laboratory and Sea World of Orlando. Some aspects of the testing were able to be consolidated into a single protocol. For example, the 10,000 fired test rounds were aimed at frozen bait fish not deemed suitable for consumption by Shamu.

Ben Cartwright - Bonanza

CEO Ben Cartwright

“We tried very hard to standardize our testing with one primary vendor, but it’s really hard to find a lab that can proof test 10,000 rounds of ammunition and certify seaworthiness and waterproof capabilities at 200 fathoms.” stated Ben Cartwright, CEO of Constitution Arms.

The company expects to launch the ground water breaking device at the 50th Anniversary Undersea World of Jacques Cousteau Film Festival later this fall.

“Impressive Chewing” Technology to Secure Israel’s Borders

The Israeli Defense Force (IDF) recently fielded a new top-secret weapon designed to secure border areas. A covert IDF operative, recently back from deployment, and blogging under the code name Doubletapper, describes the new weapons system:

Israel's CCAD (Cud Chewing Antelope of Doom) Defense System

Israel's CCAD (Cud Chewing Antelope of Doom) Defense System

The latest addition to the arsenal: a group of African antelope, each weighing nearly 1100 pounds. The antelope have been stationed on Israel’s border with Lebanon, to eat up the “problematic foliage that distorts views of the Lebanese side and within which Hezbollah guerrillas could hide.” The beasts, known as “Elands,” were introduced to Israel from east Africa in the 1970s, to fill zoos. But when these animals “impressive chewing abilities were discovered,” the animals were recruited by the military.

“The Elands eat tremendous quantities and do a wonderful job clearing the weeds at enormous or secret military installations, and in places where there are ammunition storerooms, where the fear of fires is greater. In these places the Elands save on manpower and obviate the need for spraying chemical herbicides.” There are now “between 500 and 700 Elands” at military bases throughout Israel.

The new weapons platform, code named CCAD (Cud Chewing Antelope of Doom) is already in front line deployment. The first iteration of the new system does not include first strike capability; however upgrades are planned for the near future. According to Lieutenant General Gabi Ashkenazi, “We hope to mount up to three Hellfire missiles on each paunch of the antelope with a hard point mount for a single Stinger anti-aircraft missile on the beasts head. We’re confident about the amount of offensive punch we can pack onto this platform. These animals are pretty offensive as it is, so adding Hellfire’s will really make them formidable in the field. We do anticipate battlefield intelligence being a potential problem though.”

General Ashkenazi offered no comment when asked about rumors of a new emu based land attack system.

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