Mayors Against Legal Governing (MALG) Spins Off From Mayors Against Illegal Guns (MAIG)

Mayor Bloomberg, New York City, MAIG Head

Mayor Bloomberg (Photo

Mayors Against Illegal Guns (MAIG) spokesperson Senator Al Franken announced today formation of a new political organization – Mayors Against Legal Governing, or MALG.

Inspiration for the spinoff organization came out of a recent emergency meeting called to address the problem of inordinate numbers of MAIG members running afoul of the law. Since it’s formation in 2006, MAIG has suffered a rash of embarrassing incidents where member Mayors have been arrested, convicted, and even jailed for a broad variety of crimes.

“I mean everyone knows that we don’t play by the same rules as common people. We finally decided, hey, why the secrecy? Let’s just be out in the open about it and organize and embrace the lawlessness,” noted MAIG and MALG Founder New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg.

MALG organizers stress the importance of planning and metrics to success of their long term mission. “The pro-second amendment crowd likes to use lot’s of fancy statistics to prove things, so we decided we needed to whip up some of our own,” explained MALG organizer Bloomberg.

Inside sources indicate that Mayors Against Legal Governing is trying to make sure that have equal representation from all sorts of lawless behavior. So far, members have compiled an impressive list of illicit behaviors including Campaign Finance ScandalBriberyCounterfeitingDomestic AbuseExtortionMoney LaunderingMiscellaneous CorruptionFalsifying EvidenceDouble-Secret Federal Charges, and Child Pornography.

“While we’re off to an impressive start, we’ve got some real gaps in the areas of armed robbery,  impersonation of clergy, and nude Llama wrestling,” observed Mayor Bloomberg. “If you know anyone, please give them my number.

“Originally we wanted to keep this organization exclusive and only allow membership to Mayors who are actual convicted felons or those who were in the process of being convicted,” explained Mayor Bloomberg. “But we’re really making a renewed effort to be inclusive so we’re going consider adding Mayors with Misdemeanors to the group.”

Who’s Belt Is Getting Tightened?

Blackies Newport Beach: John Birch Society HQ 1960s

Blackies Newport Beach: John Birch Society HQ 1960s

For many years, more than most of you have been alive; I have been a die-hard conservative.  The Tea Party is nouveau riche – my credentials are Orange County, California in the 60’s – Beach Blanket Bingo, Surfing, The Beach Boys, and, omygod, Gidget.  At sundown, it was $1.49 gallons of Rose’ (Mateus on payday) and the conversation turned to Ayn Rand, The John Birch Society and early Ronald Reagan.

Sand between our toes, soft guitars and tambourines in the background formed the perfect setting for us to advocate entrepreneurship, balanced budgets, reduced taxes, fiscal conservatism and the nirvana of small government.  Hours later, as the sun began its ascent in the east, a couple of final choruses of Kumbaya convinced us that all was well.

Orange County budget meeting

Orange County budget meeting

Now, Elephants and Asses, oops, Donkeys, are getting on the fiscal responsibility band wagon again.  Our elected leaders are going to rein in runaway spending, curtail outrageous benefits, and totally re-vamp healthcare.  The sound bites are aggressive, forward thinking and courageous, spoken by a couple of dozen Marcus Welby look-alikes oozing sincerity and confidence.

After waking at 2:07am for my nightly pit stop, I was trying to doze off again, feeling content that my future was in such capable hands.  Then, a scary revelation caused me to sit bolt upright.

These guys are screwing with my retirement income, healthcare options, and general well-being – and, they have absolutely no skin in the game!  They don’t have a clue about the real world most of us, their constituents, are living in.  Our elected officials wallow in their personal la-la land, worried sick about how to get elected again.

Our elected senators and congressmen, public servants is the euphemism I’m searching for, earn a minimum of $174,000 per year, have a Rolls Royce healthcare plan and can retire at age 50 at 80% of their salary – an old-fashioned (obsolete in the real world) guaranteed retirement that few of us can aspire to these days.

Politics, Newport Beach style (img:

Politics, Newport Beach style (img:

OK guys, I’m willing to put my future in your hands, sacrifice a bit of my Social Security check, pay more for Medicare every month and ride my bicycle to the grocery store because you have screwed up our energy policy so badly that I can’t afford to drive.

That is, I’m willing to play the game provided our elected representatives are on the same team I am.  Their salaries must take the same hit that small business men and women all over the country have; their retirement income must be tied to a decimated 401k, and their future healthcare must be the same Medicare I’m counting on to stay alive.

Only then will my elected representatives have the credibility to tighten my belt.  Lead by example guys.


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