President’s Gun Control Order Will Reduce Street Crime

New Gun Control Executive Orders to eliminate corporate jackings. Photo:

New Gun Control Executive Orders to eliminate corporate jackings. Photo:

The shooting community was stunned by two Executive Orders from the Obama administration earlier this week.

One of the proclamations effectively closes a secret loophole commonly used by street thugs, gang members, and the Reverend Al Sharpton. Under current law, legally formed corporations and trust officers are able to purchase restricted firearms such as short-barreled shotguns, automatic rifles and sound suppressors. The new Executive Order mandates finger prints, background checks and local law enforcement approval of officers and trustees before these legal entities can apply for special permits from the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives. Although the process is cumbersome, federally controlled and takes 6 to 12 months to complete, administration officials are convinced that low lifes and gang bangers are taking advantage.

“Fo shizzle!” whined one Crips member who declined to be identified. “I was planning a couple of jackings for sometime next spring or summer. I figured I would need to be strapped for that,  so I had my mouthpiece at the law firm of Rutherford, Collingsworth and Davenport drawing me up a Subchapter S Corporation. You need that to begin the application process for restricted firearms ya know. Obviously the benefits of limited financial liability of the partners and flexibility of taxable income distribution will benefit my fellow bangers too. Besides, the Bloods all use Limited Liability Corporations, so we didn’t want to go that route.”

Most gang members we spoke to were still in a state of shock, wondering how they were going to acquire restricted weapons now that the corporate and trust loophole is being closed. Many top 100 law firms are already planning for losses in billable revenue. “Losing thug life business is really going to hurt” moaned Commerce Winthorpe, Esquire, founding partner of the prestigious firm Winthorpe, Winthorpe and Fiddy Cent PeaceOut!, LLC. “We’re definitely going to have to cut back on complimentary mint juleps on Friday afternoons.”

Administration officials expect the measure to eliminate virtually all crime resulting from the loophole. “Today’s street thugs have gotten pretty sophisticated” explained an anonymous official. “They’ll plan a mugging 6-12 months in advance to allow time for setting up a corporation, completing the BATFE application, and waiting for agency approval to get a suppressed double deuce. The days of spontaneous jackings are long gone.”

While insiders won’t comment, many expect the next Executive Order will close the notorious non-profit museum loophole, believed to be the root cause of cannon, flintlock and gatling gun crime.

Half-Cocked: Obama Phones and Holder Guns

Half-Cocked: Obama Phones and Holder Guns

Half-Cocked: Obama Announces New Gun Control Plan In Hometown Chicago

Half-Cocked: Obama Announces New Gun Control Plan In Hometown Of Chicago

Announcement on whether 2010 is Bush’s fault delayed

President George W Bush

President George W Bush

White House spokesperson Charlie Gibbs announced today that a decision on whether 2010 is former President George W. Bush’s fault will be delayed, most likely until the end of the coming year.

“The President will be requesting weekly reports from top administration advisers to determine whether 2010 represents a ‘systemic failure’ or not. While we’re pretty sure that 2010 will be blamed on former President Bush, we need to get all the evidence.” stated Gibbs. “Who knows, 2010 could be the start of a major economic recovery and we certainly would not want to place blame for that.”

In a written statement about the matter, President Obama indicated that, while he does not have all the facts, it appeared that the previous administration ‘acted stupidly’ regarding 2010. In the same statement, the President indicated that comments from Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano claiming that the 2010 system was ‘going to work flawlessly’ may have been premature.

“We’ve inherited unprecedented problems that may result in not only 2010, but 2011 and 2012 being blamed on former President Bush” stated Obama.

Obama’s TelePrompTer Spotted at Shooting Range

Members of a Charleston area shooting range encountered an unexpected sight last weekend when what appeared to be a TelePrompter was seen shooting handguns and various semi-automatic rifles.

President Obama's TelePrompTer at Shooting Range

President's TelePrompTer Busting Some Caps at the Shooting Range

Nearby shooters became suspicious when they overheard the TelePrompter saying “Do you feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?” Upon hearing this and other obvious movie lines from the Dirty Harry series, nearby shooters decided to investigate, and discovered the TelePrompter.

Local resident Bubba “Big Daddy” Dubbelwahd observed the incident. “I was there with my other brother Bubba and his son Bubba, just shootin’ at the old hood of my ’67 Chevy pickup, and dang it if I didn’t see some TV telespeaker thing down at the end of the line shootin’ an AR-15. Heck I didn’t even know they were allowed to own guns. Aren’t those things illegal aliens or something? Damn city slickers.”

When questioned, the TelePrompTer claimed that it worked for National Rifle Association Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre and was simply there to practice some holster and house clearing drills. Nearby shooters were immediately suspicious of this explanation noting that Mr. LaPierre doesn’t require a TelePrompter to formulate coherent thoughts during public appearances. When pressed, the TelePrompter confessed to working for President Barack Obama. “Look, I could get in real trouble for this. My boss isn’t real keen on this whole guns and shooting thing, you know? You understand, with all the stress of my job, setting national policy, doing all those speeches and press conferences, keeping the boss from putting his foot in his mouth and all that, I just have to get out here once in a while and burn some mad ammo. Plus, I love the smell of gunpowder in the morning. Can we just keep this between us? I’ll try and delay that assault weapons legislation if you can manage to keep this quiet.”

Local authorities decided that no laws had been broken as the State of South Carolina does not specifically prohibit TelePrompters from owning firearms. President Obama had no comment, as his TelePrompter was still at the range burning up some 5.56mm military surplus ammo.

Obama Offers Historic Pistol to British Prime Minister Brown

In a White House ceremony today, President Obama offered a historic gift to visiting British Prime Minister Gordon Brown. The rare pistol, known as a “We don’t like you anymore” Special , was the first of it’s kind ever presented to a visiting dignitary.

Brown graciously accepted the gift, even going so far as to insist that the President try it first. “As this very unique revolver has never been fired before, the citizens of Great Britain would be most honored if you were to shoot it first.” Brown told President Obama. “If you were to fire this weapon, as a symbol of the hope and change that you bring to us all, you would be doing the world a tremendous service.”

In a related announcement, Obama announced a new and improved Axis of Evil, recently upgraded from former President George W. Bush’s Axis of Evil. Obama’s new list adds Great Britain to original members Iran, North Korea, and Lichtenstein.

More on the story at American Thinker.


Black helicopter conspiracies…

Black Helicopter Conspiracy

Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean that no one is out to get you.

The government is out to get me. Just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean it isn’t true.

I hear it starts with censorship and then more drastic things happen, like wedgie boarding. I found out today that my blog feed has not been working for a while. For a split second I thought I might have screwed up some HTML tags or done something else stupid technically. Then I realized that’s impossible. I know how to operate Microsoft Word, Adobe Elements, and The Clapper after all.

That leaves only one explanation. Apparently the new administration is not finding humor in the way I poke fun at them and they’re shutting me down. POTUS (that’s President Of T he United States for you people who don’t read Tom Clancy novels) did not find my post on his recent gun purchase amusing at all. Lighten up dude. Don’t hurt me or worse yet, send me to exile in France.

If you read this blog one day, and it is actually good, you’ll know that I am gone – taken in the dark of night and replaced with a faceless and nameless test tube drone, created in the depts of the AIG financial records vault.

In the meantime, the blog feed should be working.

Watch your back. If you are reading this, you might be next.

Obama Makes Unscheduled Stop At Colorado Gun Store

Marine One Visits Gun Store

Marine One Visits Local Gun Store

Creede, Colorado – Today, President Obama made a brief detour from his Town Hall stump tour to visit a small Colorado gun store. The President seemed downright giddy upon exiting Marine One outside locally owned Zeke’s Gun and Pawn Shop in Creede, Colorado.

When asked about the unscheduled stop, the President replied “I, ah, keep on hearing from folks, that, ah, guns are going to be, ah, banned.That’s what a gun ban is you know, ah, banning guns! So I, ah, gave orders to the guy up front wearing a, ah, military uniform, and asked him if he could, ah, land Marine One out there in the, ah, street. I, ah, figure that I own that, ah, street now that I, ah, won. Plus, I just like cruising around in this, ah, awesome helicopter. It’s pretty awesome, you know, and Michelle really digs it.”

When questioned why he chose to stop at a gun shop of all places, Obama expressed concern about future availability of guns under his administration. “Rahm Emanuel and I have been, ah, talking, and we’re pretty sure that we won’t be able to buy the really cool guns anymore after we, ah, ban them.So I want to get mine now. Do you know if I need some sort of, ah, permit or anything? I’m pretty sure I don’t because I, ah, won. I’m the new President you know.”

The brief stop in Creede surprised some Washington insiders.According to Harry Reid, Senate Majority Leader, “I wish the President had just shopped locally. At this critical juncture, we really need the President close by in order to sign the trash we are ramming through Congress in an expedient manner.”

“You know, Reid has no idea what he is talking about.” responded President Obama. “We tried to make this a short outing back in, ah, Washington, but, you know, there aren’t any gun stores in Washington D.C.It’s a little puzzling because my administration believes in Second Amendment rights, so I am not quite sure what that’s all about.That’s exactly why we need to implement this emergency stimulus package right away.Look how many gun industry jobs have already been lost right here in the nation’s capitol.”

obama finger pistol

Secret Service agents were noticeably on edge.According to Rock Steele, spokesperson for the Presidential security detail, “There were guns everywhere.A number of threats, I mean customers, were also in the store and we were pretty sure one of them would go postal at any minute with all those guns lying around. It was pretty tense there for a while. We had to shoot a few locals to be on the safe side.”

The President spent about 30 minutes in Zeke’s Gun and Pawn before leaving with his new purchase and boarding Marine One. Owner and Operator, Zeke Varminter, commented that the President showed quite a bit of interest in the military style rifles and had lots of questions.“Yep, he picked one of those AR type rifles up off the counter, pointed it at one of the Secret Service agents, and said ‘Hey look, I can do this! I’m the President you know!’” According to Zeke, the President was offered free safety and range training, but declined. “I have utmost respect for hardworking American citizens,” said Obama, “but clearly they don’t understand politicians.We’re expert in everything.”

As of press time, the President had not made further comment about his purchase, although there were some reports of sporadic gunfire coming from the vicinity of The White House indoor bowling alley.

Is the ink on the ballots dry yet?

Boy that didn’t take long! President-elect Obama is already backpedaling on campaign statements regarding Second Amendment rights. Of course, no one is really surprised by this, but the sheer audacity of doing so, in writing, on his site before the final votes were counted is somewhat incredible.

I just ran across an article on the topic written by the NRA Institute for Legislative Action, and I thought you might find it interesting…

“Yes We Can . . . Ban Guns”–Obama Announces Gun Ban Agenda Before The Final Vote Count Is In

Friday, November 07, 2008

Senator Barack Obama’s presidential campaign slogan, “the audacity of hope,” should have instead been “the audacity of deceit.” After months of telling the American people that he supports the Second Amendment, and only hours after being declared the president-elect, the Obama transition team website announced an agenda taken straight from the anti-gun lobby–four initiatives designed to ban guns and drive law-abiding firearm manufacturers and dealers out of business:

“Making the expired federal assault weapons ban permanent.” Perhaps no other firearm issue has been more dishonestly portrayed by gun prohibitionists. Notwithstanding their predictions that the ban’s expiration in 2004 would bring about the end of civilization, for the last four years the nation’s murder rate has been lower than anytime since the mid-1960s. Studies for Congress, the Congressional Research Service, the National Institute of Justice, the National Academy of Sciences, and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have found no evidence that gun prohibition or gun control reduces crime. Guns that were affected by the ban are used in only a tiny fraction of violent crime-about 35 times as many people are murdered without any sort of firearm (knives, bare hands, etc.), as with “assault weapons.” Obama says that “assault weapons” are machine guns that “belong on foreign battlefields,” but that is a lie; the guns are only semi-automatic, and they are not used by a military force anywhere on the planet.

“Repeal the Tiahrt Amendment.” The amendment–endorsed by the Fraternal Order of Police–prohibits the release of federal firearm tracing information to anyone other than a law enforcement agency conducting a bona fide criminal investigation. Anti-gun activists oppose the restriction, because it prevents them from obtaining tracing information and using it in frivolous lawsuits against law-abiding firearm manufacturers. Their lawsuits seek to obtain huge financial judgments against firearm manufacturers when a criminal uses a gun to inflict harm, even though the manufacturers have complied with all applicable laws.

“Closing the gun show loophole.” There is no “loophole.” Under federal law, a firearm dealer must conduct a background check on anyone to whom he sells a gun, regardless of where the sale takes place. A person who is not a dealer may sell a gun from his personal collection without conducting a check. Gun prohibitionists claim that many criminals obtain guns from gun shows, though the most recent federal survey of convicted felons put the figure at only 0.7 percent. They also claim that non-dealers should be required to conduct checks when selling guns at shows, but the legislation they support goes far beyond imposing that lone requirement. In fact, anti-gun members of Congress voted against that limited measure, holding out for a broader bill intended to drive shows out of business.

“Making guns in this country childproof.” “Childproof” is a codeword for a variety of schemes designed to prevent the sale of firearms by imposing impossible or highly expensive design requirements, such as biometric shooter-identification systems. While no one opposes keeping children safe, the fact is that accidental firearm-related deaths among children have decreased 86 percent since 1975, even as the numbers of children and guns have risen dramatically. Today, the chances of a child being killed in a firearm accident are less than one in a million.

Copyright 2008, National Rifle Association of America, Institute for Legislative Action.
This may be reproduced. It may not be reproduced for commercial purposes.

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