Cornucopia of Free Stuff!

Free Stuff from The History Channel!

Free Stuff from The History Channel!

We mentioned the Memorial Day Premier of Gettysburg on The History Channel the other day. Looks like a great documentary and we’ll be watching for sure.

Thanks to the good folks at The History Channel, we’ve got some free History Channel stuff to give away! Messenger bags, t-shirts, and notebooks.

To win yours, just Like us on Facebook, write on our wall, and tell us if you’ll be watching Gettysburg Monday at 9pm Eastern!

Easy peasy.

Our Conspiratorial Arrangement With AmmoLand.com

Colt 1895 Potato Digger

Colt 1895 Potato Digger (image: NRAMuseum.com)

Now we’ve done it. We’ve made a secret arrangement with the good folks over at AmmoLand.com. The bottom line is that we’re going to be a contributor to their site on a regular basis. Hopefully we won’t drag that site to the depths of despair that this one has so managed to achieve. With a lot of hard work I might add.

But seriously, it’s going to be a lot of fun. The AmmoLand stories will give us an opportunity to explore some different angles on various shooting and political topics. One of the things we’ll be doing is a frequent feature and commentary on unusual and historical guns and weapons and their sometimes sordid past.

Our first article posted today and it tells the story of the Paramount Home Guard. Yep, you guessed right. A group of Hollywood hairdressers and actors trained in some things military for the purpose of protecting our homeland from invasion.

So if you want to know answers to the following questions, head over to AmmoLand and read “The Hollwood Home Guard

  • How fast could Cecil B. DeMille reload a Colt 1895 Potato Digger?
  • Can an irritable Hollywood hairdresser beat Zsa Zsa Gabor in a slap fight?
  • Why is Eva Longoria mentioned in this story?
  • Who has a scarier voice? Darth Vader or James Earl Jones? Ok, that was a trick question… Now for a real one. Can James Earl Jones kill 10 men with just the sound of his voice?
  • Did Daniel Craig need psychotherapy after filming Casino Royale?

For answers to these and other questions, check out the story!

* Disclaimer: All questions noted above may or may not be addressed by clicking on this link.

My Gun Culture Adds A Real ‘Riter

We’re more-or-less pleased to announce that a new writer has joined the My Gun Culture staff. A real one in fact. This one is a semi-distinguished graduate of the New York Times Gotham Writers Workshop.

Mike, an older generation red-blooded American male (emphasis on older) offers perspectives on life, hunting (mainly unsuccessful), the occasional political commentary, and his later-in-life exposure to the world of shootin’ stuff.

We think you’ll enjoy his perspective and wit, especially since we have a critical shortage of both around here.

Plus, he works cheap. Who were we to refuse?

Look for his first contribution later this morning.

Beretta Introduces Tropical Storm Handgun Line

Beretta Tropical Storm Pistol

Beretta Tropical Storm

Close on the heels of a successful launch of the PX4 Storm Series of pistols in .45 caliber, Beretta today announced an even more innovative lineup – the Tropical Storm Series.

The new pistol design represents a quantum leap in weather harnessing technology according to Ben Cartwright, CEO, Beretta USA. ”For centuries, we’ve been developing firearms with energy potential measured in foot-pounds” said Cartwright. “One day while walking my dog Giuseppe in a rainstorm, it occurred to me that we ought to think about harnessing the power of mother nature. When she’s upset, things get crazy.”

While the previous lineup of PX4 pistols used a creative rotating barrel lockup technology to create a strengthened action with reduced recoil, the new Tropical Storm leverages planetary rotational forces for increased power. Tapping into the power of both hot and cold fronts and lunar gravitation, the first model of the new pistol, the Hugo, is rumored to obtain maximum sustained velocity of at least 63 knots.

“The Gulfstream is a pretty dig deal.” said Don Draper, Beretta’s Vice President of Marketing. “That, combined with the earth’s rotation means we don’t have to rifle the barrels – and that results in lower costs that we can pass on to our customers.”

Rumors of the top-secret project have been circulating for months with talk of projects code named Agnes, Bart, and Colin being leaked to the press by an anonymous source highly placed in the National Hurricane Center.

Draper expects the line to evolve quickly. “As soon as we can break the maximum sustained velocity barrier of 74 knots, we would like to upgrade the line. Maybe we’ll name it the Hurricane Storm Series.”

Surefire Announces LED Flash Light Saber

Yoda light Saber

SureFire Flash Light Saber in action

Mountain Valley, CA — SureFire, LLC, manufacturer of high-end illumination tools and tactical products, announces the release of its Millennium Falcon series of high intensity LED powered Flash Light Sabers. Designed to appeal to a trans-universal audience, the new series offers unprecedented power from common AA household batteries.

Early adopter and product beta tester, Han Solo explains. “This thing totally rocks. Thankfully the device is only offered for sale to law enforcement. If Boba Fett gets his hands on one of these, I’m toast.”

The revolutionary device offers new levels of power and durability. Power of the new personal defense light has been upgraded from 120 lumens all the way up to 1.9873 x 1023 lumens with the flash light saber, while durability has also been improved. The new unit is able to easily withstand the massive G-forces of hyper-warp deceleration, making it the perfect intergalactic cruiser accessory.

Ben Cartwright - Bonanza

SureFire CEO Ben Cartwright

Surefire CEO, Ben Cartwright, also announced new training program offerings for the powerful device. “Having a combination Flash Light / Light Saber is pretty handy. For example, the other night I dropped my car keys in a dark parking lot. Fortunately I had my new Flash Light Saber. I easily found the keys in the dark, but managed to slice my car door off in the process. So training is an important part of our new offering.”

Palm Pistol Deep Sea Submersible Completes Endurance Testing

Palm Pistol Submersible

Palm Pistol Submersible

Earlier this month, Constitution Arms completed endurance testing of its revolutionary new combination Palm Pistol and Miniature Automated Deep Sea Submersible, or MADSS.

The versatile device is expected to serve the emerging market for personal protection while performing deep sea exploration. “As a result of our extensive market research efforts, we’re pretty sure we’ve hit on a unique market” said Don Draper, Vice President of Marketing. “We’ve not been able to identify any competitive offerings that combine a .38 Special single shot firearm with a fully automated submarine exploration unit. It’s definitely unique.”

Constitution Arms Palm Pistol

Constitution Arms Palm Pistol

In preparation for market introduction, the Palm Pistol Submersible completed two rigorous yet distinct testing protocols administered by an unnamed certified ASTM certified non-destructive metallurgic testing laboratory and Sea World of Orlando. Some aspects of the testing were able to be consolidated into a single protocol. For example, the 10,000 fired test rounds were aimed at frozen bait fish not deemed suitable for consumption by Shamu.

Ben Cartwright - Bonanza

CEO Ben Cartwright

“We tried very hard to standardize our testing with one primary vendor, but it’s really hard to find a lab that can proof test 10,000 rounds of ammunition and certify seaworthiness and waterproof capabilities at 200 fathoms.” stated Ben Cartwright, CEO of Constitution Arms.

The company expects to launch the ground water breaking device at the 50th Anniversary Undersea World of Jacques Cousteau Film Festival later this fall.

Ruger Introduces LOP – Light Origami Pistol

Ruger Light Origami Pistol

Ruger Light Origami Pistol

In a stunning move today, Sturm, Ruger & Company, Inc. (NYSE: RGR), introduced the Ruger LOP, or Light Origami Pistol.

Following the wildly successful introductions of the Ruger LCP, LCR, and LCR .357, the move was the next logical evolution of the Ruger lineup of lightweight and compact pistols according to Ben Cartwright, Ruger’s Chief Executive Officer. “From the introduction of the ultra-small and lightweight LCP, our customers have been clear that smaller and lighter is the way to go. And nothing is lighter than origami.”

Ben Cartwright - Bonanza

CEO Ben Cartwright

According to Ruger engineers, the LOP is fabricated from advanced polyfiber composites originally developed for the greeting card industry. While company sources won’t comment, it’s believed that Ruger has entered a technology licensing pact with greeting card industry giant Hallmark Cards.

While caliber and ammunition details remain unclear, size and weight specifications are impressive. The pistol weighs in at an impressive .003 ounces. Given it’s 3mm thickness, the LOP is expected to usher in a new era of concealed carry flexibility.

“There are always design tradeoffs we have to make.” continued Cartwright. “In order to meet our size and weight design goals we did have to make some sacrifices in durability. For example, we’re recommending that customers in hot and humid climates like Florida refrain from carrying in summer months as excessive humidity and perspiration could weaken the structural integrity of the pistol.”

Asked what’s next for the newly invigorated company, Cartwright replied “As a publicly traded company we can’t comment on specifics, but you might see expansion of the origami design concepts to include things like integrated bayonets and candle illumination units. We’re pretty excited about the possibilities of paper as a fabrication material.”

Announcement on whether 2010 is Bush’s fault delayed

President George W Bush

President George W Bush

White House spokesperson Charlie Gibbs announced today that a decision on whether 2010 is former President George W. Bush’s fault will be delayed, most likely until the end of the coming year.

“The President will be requesting weekly reports from top administration advisers to determine whether 2010 represents a ‘systemic failure’ or not. While we’re pretty sure that 2010 will be blamed on former President Bush, we need to get all the evidence.” stated Gibbs. “Who knows, 2010 could be the start of a major economic recovery and we certainly would not want to place blame for that.”

In a written statement about the matter, President Obama indicated that, while he does not have all the facts, it appeared that the previous administration ‘acted stupidly’ regarding 2010. In the same statement, the President indicated that comments from Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano claiming that the 2010 system was ‘going to work flawlessly’ may have been premature.

“We’ve inherited unprecedented problems that may result in not only 2010, but 2011 and 2012 being blamed on former President Bush” stated Obama.

Ask MGC! What’s an assault weapon?

There’s a lot of confusion, misunderstanding, and downright lies about assault weapons, so in true My Gun Culture fashion I hope to clarify this once and for all.

Assault Weapons are sneaky little morphing bastards. They have a unique ability to change their DNA day to day, hour to hour, and news broadcast to news broadcast. Just ask Dan Rather. Usually the cause of the metamorphosis can be traced back to political agenda, but sometimes T.V. personalities can cause shape shifting simply by their spoken word and some creative video editing.

Assault Weapon Bricks

Ancient Assault Bricks

Evidence of the first assault weapon was found at the Tamerza and Midés excavation site in Tunisia. Ancient writings offer evidence that an elitist Cro-Magnon Herald staff reporter filed reports accusing citizen Grog of possession of a rapid fire assault weapon, later to become known as a brick. Evidence suggests that Grog was known to carry two, and sometimes three bricks at a time – which many deemed excessive for sporting purposes.

During the middle ages, assault weapons became more sophisticated. Henry VIII was known to have, and frequently use, an assault divorce attorney.

Marie Antoinette Assault Cake

Marie Antoinette's Assault Cake

Across the English Channel, Marie Antoinette was assaulted as a result of her secret possession of several pieces of assault cake.

Assault weapons continue to be heavily regulated. In most states, Rosie O’Donnell is classified as an assault weapon. Ownership generally requires the buyer to provide proof that they are legally deaf. This is a safety precaution that prevents Assault Rosie owners from going postal as a side effect of continuous exposure to re-runs of The View.

Many United States Marine Corps recruits view their drill instructors as assault weapons until, through the miracle of osmosis, they become assault weapons themselves. Many point to this phenomenon as proof of the redeeming societal value of assault weapons.

rosie odonnell exit to eden assault weapon

Typical Assault Weapon

The primary differentiator between assault weapons and regular ole’ weapons is that assault weapons are automatic, meaning they are known to automatically commit crimes, scare politicians from California, New York, and Massachusetts, and start third world wars.

As assault weapons have spread throughout the world, they have evolved according to local environments. In the United States, most assault weapons are actually guns, with the exception of Assault Rosie of course. In the United Kingdom, assault weapons have taken the form of bread knives and cricket bats. Similarly, in France, most assault weapons are recognizable as three day old baguettes with a wheel of dried up brie, while Australia has battled proliferation of assault knives, assault swords, and most recently assault laser pointers.

More questions? Post them at MyGunCulture.com and we’ll do our best to answer.

Obama Offers Historic Pistol to British Prime Minister Brown

In a White House ceremony today, President Obama offered a historic gift to visiting British Prime Minister Gordon Brown. The rare pistol, known as a “We don’t like you anymore” Special , was the first of it’s kind ever presented to a visiting dignitary.

Brown graciously accepted the gift, even going so far as to insist that the President try it first. “As this very unique revolver has never been fired before, the citizens of Great Britain would be most honored if you were to shoot it first.” Brown told President Obama. “If you were to fire this weapon, as a symbol of the hope and change that you bring to us all, you would be doing the world a tremendous service.”

In a related announcement, Obama announced a new and improved Axis of Evil, recently upgraded from former President George W. Bush’s Axis of Evil. Obama’s new list adds Great Britain to original members Iran, North Korea, and Lichtenstein.

More on the story at American Thinker.

Photo: FreakingNews.com

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