Half-Cocked: Every Girl Needs a Little Black Number…

Hmmm, which little black number today?  AR-15 or little black dress?

Hmmm, which little black number today?

My Gun Culture Mothers Day Gift Guide

Women shooting guns

My Gun Culture Mothers Day Gift Guide (img: dennisperrin.blogspot.com)

Hey fellas – it’s almost Mother’s Day!

As a public service announcement, the My Gun Culture staff would like to share a few tips for surviving this holiday with (your) hide intact. When you’ve tattooed these tips onto a convenient and visible body part, feel free to proceed to our helpful Mother’s Day Gift Guide below.

Life Saving Tips (this means pay attention closely):

  1. If you have lilliputian like people scampering around your household, then your wife is a mother. Even though she’s not your mother, you are still expected to provide gifts. Trust us on this one.
  2. If your mini-humans are extra small, you’re expected to provide cute gifts on behalf of them and maintain a facade that they picked them out themselves. Man up and roll with it.
  3. In addition to selecting awesome gifts from the list below, you’re expected to make breakfast, lunch, and dinner. If you need directions to your kitchen, ask the little people mentioned in step 1. They will know the way.
  4. If you still can’t find your kitchen, take mom out to brunch or dinner. You cannot just show up at a restaurant and expect to be seated within the next 72 hours. You need to make reservations well in advance. This requires use of a telephone. Call now for 2017 reservations. If you have not made reservations yet for this year, please refer to step 3.

Follow those tips and you should remain safely above the dirt for at least another couple of days. Now, on to the gift ideas.  For fair and balanced recommendations, we’re offering male and female perspectives from father and daughter – both experienced Mother’s Day veterans. Lesson’s learned the hard way are lessons learned best after all.

He said She said
What better way to commemorate the sweet and precious joy of motherhood than with a set of K-2152 Tactical Goggles from Voodoo Tactical? Ummm, tactical goggles? Put yourself in her place and think about getting a piano key necktie for Father’s day. Enough said. But if you’re dead set on accessories, definitely go for some elegant jewelry from Hot Caliber. Maybe one of their ‘hand shot, one-of-a-kind’ Five Shot Diamond Pendants? Diamonds you ask? Those are really expensive rocks that mom’s appreciate and deserve! Oh, and daughters.
Lyman Turbo Sonic UltraSonic Case Cleaner: What woman in her right mind would not want one of these? Guaranteed to make the mom in your family happy for years to come as it will get her brass squeaky clean! Perfect for spring cleaning! I suppose it would be great for cleaning jewelry. But you should know by now that you never get mom anything that plugs in for Mothers Day! Maybe instead surf on over to Gun Tote’n Mamas and get her a Raven Shoulder Pouch Concealed Carry bag? With slash-resistant straps it’s both tactical and cute.
When she feels that her cubs may be threatened from greater than handgun distance, the mom in your family way want a Barrett MRAD bolt-action repeater in .338 Lapua. The folding stock makes it ideal for purse carry while the 10 round magazine offers extra insurance for more difficult situations. So I have to give you props on this choice, dad. You know I have a thing for giant rifles like the Hakim. But considering this holiday is all about, you know, moms…how about something actually concealable like the new Kimber Solo 9mm semi-automatic? It’s got very respectable 9mm power for self defense and size and curved contours that make it very friendly for a variety of concealment options.
Sure to please any discerning woman, the Forster Original Case Trimmer makes pesky reloading chores fun and easy for most calibers with bullet diameters between .171″ to .459″ Is this supposed to be a gift that keeps on giving? I’d suggest some cute custom earplugs like Radians Do-It-Yourself Molded Ear Plugs to drown out the sound of you singing old Arrowsmith songs while you’re in the man cave reloading. They come in all different colors and they guarantee a perfect fit for dainty, lady-sized ears.
Cold Steel Spike Tanto: This is for you and her! A tactical neck knife that will slice through heavy rope will make both of you feel way more Rambo-like. Now here’s a practical gift idea. These knives are nice and small, so they can easily be concealed under a little black dress and the neck chain could totally pass for a funky necklace. Useful and just a little bit bad@ss. Now what girl doesn’t want that?
The Gun Tool: Heck, mom’s have plenty of leftover room in their purse to carry the most versatile and portable gun tool ever right? Torx wrenches, pin punches, windage / elevation tools, and more – all in one! How thick are you anyway? Unless it has a manicure set built in, forget it. Stick with something more traditional like a bouquet of flowers.
US Armament 1877 Bulldog Gatling Gun: Not only an outstanding domestic defense tool, this beauty will spice up any home. She can even sparkle up the huge piles of .45-70 Government used brass in her Lyman Turbo Sonic Case Cleaner. This will make her giddy for sure! Just tell her the piano will have to go in order to make room. Since I get my magnificent (yeah right) musical ability from you, I vote yes. But mom actually plays that piano and I have a feeling she’d be less than thrilled to see it go. But if you’re going for historical intrigue and perimeter defense, how about a moat around the house filled with Tea Olives?
Velocity Bullets 140 grain Lead .40 S&W bullets: You can’t go wrong with the traditional mother’s day gift – bullets for reloading! Hey, don’t let the fact that your gun, not hers, is a .40 S&W slow you down on this one. She’ll just love to reload for you! Trust us… That’s a negative, ghost rider. I suggest getting her a pretty little holster for HER .32 from Diva Sleeves. They have tons of cute patterns, colors, and are even bedazzled! You can’t go wrong with bedazzling. I saw it on an infomercial.
Every mom needs a break from household noise. Kids, pets, whining husbands/fathers… What better gift than an Advanced Armament ECO-9 Suppressor for her favorite 9mm? Ummm. No. Dad, I love you and all, but sometimes you’re a complete idiot. If you really want to give mom a break, get her plenty of coupons for spa treatments and manicures. Now that is silence and relaxation that no suppressor can beat.
This Mothers Day gift guide has been a public service announcement from My Gun Culture. You can thank us later guys. And no, you cannot date my daughter.

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