Bushmaster Adaptive Combat Rifle (ACR) Takes Golden Snitch Award

Bushmaster ACR Wins 2011 Golden Snitch Award

Bushmaster ACR Wins 2011 Golden Snitch Award

Days after winning the coveted NRA 2011 Golden Bullseye Award for “Rifle of the Year” by Shooting Illustrated magazine, the Bushmaster Adaptive Combat Rifle (ACR) has garnered yet another honor. In a hotly contested match with arch rival arms maker Slytherin, Bushmaster’s ACR managed to out perform and take this years Golden Snitch.

Rival executive Lucius Malfoy, CEO of Slytherin Arms was clearly disappointed with Bushmaster receiving the award. “You’re supposed to catch the golden snitch, not vaporize it with a few hundred 5.56mm rounds” complained Malfoy. When we get back home and consider the evaluation process, we may decide to send an owl with a formal protest. Does anyone know the rookery address for Shooting Illustrated?”

Bushmaster CEO Albus Dumbledore offers the following explanation for the recent successes. ”While we were excited about winning the Golden Bullseye Award, that wasn’t as big a deal. I mean, I could have hit a stationary bullseye at 100 yards with Weasley’s broken wand” stated Dumbledore. “Now the golden snitch was another matter. Try blasting that sucker out of the sky with a wand. That’s where the Bushmaster ACR really came in handy. I’m really glad we brought the extra magazines.”

UK Bans Images of “Scary Things”

Following on the heels a recent ban of images showing guns, the British Advertising Standards Authority has elected to extend the ban to all things deemed “potentially scary.”

rosie odonnell exit to eden assault weapon

'Scary Thing' Example

Nigel Giles, spokesperson for the authority offered this explanation. “Gawdon Bennet! We got complaints abaaaht a new advert. OK? Awright geeezzaa! abaaaht what movieWan’ed‘ starrin’ actress Angelina Jolie. Sorted mate. There are scenes ov Jolie firin’ pistols an’ shotguns in a somewhat butters (sexy) fashion. Lor’ luv a duck! scared me ter dearf . Know what I mean?”

After Mr. Giles was sedated, senior ASA spokesperson Harbottle Sainsbury clarified the authorities position. “Movie images and pictures of sexy people shooting guns tends to scare the bejeepers out of us Brits. Plus, Ms. Jolie has really big lips. That’s kind of scary too. We decided to get in front of this problem and start outlawing other things that can be perceived as scary. Before they actually scare people that is. Care for some tea?”

Scary Burger King Guy

Scary Burger King Guy

While details of what things are considered “scary” are still being worked out, British Prime Minister Gordon Brown offered some examples of what types of images could fall under the ban:

  • Rosie O’Donnell
  • Spiders
  • United States Congress Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi
  • The movie “Jaws”
  • British Comedian Russell Brand
  • That big snaky monster baselisk thing that was in Harry Potter
  • Actor Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter) appearing nude in the play Equus
  • That creepy plastic Burger King guy

Citizens are encouraged to submit suggestions of other scary things that should be considered in the pending ban legislation.

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