Ruger Announces New LCBM Pocket Rocket Pistol

Ruger LCBM Pocket Rocket Pistol

New LCBM Pocket Rocket as shown in Ruger promotional materials

One day after stunning industry insiders with the LC9 9mm Centerfire Pistol announcement, Ruger added fuel to the fire of the pocket arms race with the announcement of the Ruger LCBM Pocket Rocket Pistol.

Designed to offer maximum defensive power in a lightweight and pocket sized form factor, the LCBM retains many of the LC9 features while increasing payload. Like the LC9, the new LCBM offers double action only operation, a locked-breech design, and smooth trigger pull. However, contrary to the LC9 design, the new models will require customized holsters with liquid oxygen fueling apparatus. Ruger spokespersons claim that holster maker Blade-Tech will be announcing an inside the waistband version soon.

“We’re ending the small caliber gun debate once and for all” observed Ruger CEO Ben Cartwright. “The first LCBM models will carry a single .25 kiloton warhead, but we’re working on subsequent models that will offer up to 6 +1 multiple re-entry bullets, or MIRB’s. That should be enough gun to handle most imaginable self defense situations. Hopefully the LCBM will give new meaning to the phrase come on punk, make my day. Either that, or dude, we have a problem.”

Gene Kranz

Product Manager Gene Kranz

Product managers at Ruger explain that the new Pocket Rocket technology simply became a matter of necessity. “We were working on .44 Magnum and .50 caliber LC prototypes, the LC44 and LC50 respectively, and quickly found that recoil in the seven ounce guns was just a little too stout, even for our experienced product testers like Harry Callahan” explained Ruger Product Manager Gene Kranz.

In a related announcement, Crimson Trace announced its next generation integral aiming units for the new LCBM. Similar to the existing LG-431 Front Activation Laserguard model, the unit is also custom designed for the LC series, but will now feature GPS aiming, instead of laser, technology. Early models will boast accuracy to within 100 feet, easily within the effective radius of the LCBM.

Potential Gun Crime Increases 15% in Massachusetts

CrimeThe number of gun permits surged 15% over the past two years according to The Boston Globe, creating near perfect conditions for increasing the state’s criminal population. With the addition of 28,000 Class A firearms permits, commonly called a “license to carry,” Massachusetts now has over 224,000 newly minted criminals in training.

Some questioned the connection between gun permit holders and crime. “Do you really think a permit alone qualifies these people as criminals?” asked one citizen. “It takes years of incarceration to learn the tricks of the trade and none of these folks have never seen the inside of the slammer. I think this is really going to bring down the quality level of our average hoodlum.”

But police officials generally disagree. “Look, if these people were really law abiding, why would they want to own and carry a gun?” asked Boston Police Captain Patrick O’Malley. “We’re just thankful that they are generally docile and easier to arrest. If we have to arrest people anyway, I would much rather that person be an accountant or housewife rather than a gang banger or street thug.”

Most agree that the surge in permit activity will yield much needed economic benefits by decreasing criminal unemployment and swelling the ranks of state and county law enforcement.

“We’re thrilled about the fresh crop of citizens to rough up.” said Harry Callahan, spokesperson for the Massachusetts Office of Public Safety. “We’re going to have to hire at least 750 new officers statewide to harass these folks.”

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