Which Foot Is Legal?

gun free zones

One foot in this photo is in a legal concealed carry zone, while the other is in a gun free zone.

Make sense to you? Me neither.

Useless, pointless, ineffective and ill-conceived legislation gets people killed.

Write your congress leech.

Top 11 Bad Gun Cliches…

Bad Gun Cliches

Cliche  [klee-shey]

  1. a trite, stereotyped expression; a sentence or phrase, usually expressing a popular or common thought or idea, that has lost originality, ingenuity, and impact by long overuse, as sadder but wiser,  or strong as an ox.
  2. anything that has become trite or commonplace through overuse.
  3. A truly annoying phrase or saying which inflicts physical pain simply by the number of times it’s needlessly repeated.

Actually I don’t believe in banning things, as that’s totalitarian and just plain mean-spirited, but hearing these phrases is reminiscent of brushing my teeth a Dremel tool. Maybe we should limit their use to certified Maury Show guests instead?

So let’s get started. I might stretch the technical definition of cliché just a little bit, as some are just words that make me want to do anything else, like put my tongue on a hot rifle barrel. But that’s okay, because this is going to be fun.

Common sense gun laws!

The problem with “common sense” is that it isn’t common.

The people who define “common sense” have less sense than spackle. (Tweet This)

In an era where politicians don’t read what they write and subsequently vote on, there’s no such thing as common sense laws.

I don’t dial 911!

If you don’t call 911, you’re an idiot.

In fact, if you don’t dial 911 you’re the sort not likely to beat Forest Gump at a rousing game of Wheel of Fortune.

Always, always, always dial 911 at your very first opportunity. Good guys dial 911 to request help and/or report what happened. Bad guys don’t.


This one drives me nuts! When I hear some apoplectic, blathering broadcaster talk about an “arsenal” I find out we have very different definitions of the word.

To me, an arsenal is a building with more guns and ammunition than I can shoot in my lifetime. (Tweet This)

Not a baby-stash that is a tad larger than what Michael Bloomberg will shoot in his lifetime.


When someone tells me there an operator I assume they’re either a surgeon or an OR nurse. What defines a “tactical operator” anyway? I don’t even get the origin of the word “operator.” Is it because they operate tactical things? Or because they send evil folks to the operating room? Or perhaps it’s because they use those cool throat mikes instead of phones?

I shoot all sorts of guns but no one considers me a tactical operator. On the other hand, since I manipulate goofy articles on the Internet on a regular basis, maybe I’m a typographical operator?

High-capacity magazines!

Part of the definition of cliché is something that has lost all legitimate meaning. When it comes to high-capacity magazines, I’m not sure there’s any meaning to begin with. What is high-capacity? Three rounds? Four rounds? 300 rounds? It’s one of those phrases that has a different meaning for everyone. To His Royal No-Longer-In-Charge Highness, Mayor Bloomberg, high-capacity is one round.

To me, high-capacity magazines hold 13,412 rounds. Really, I counted. (Tweet This)

Read the rest at OutdoorHub!

Open Carry Ban Leads To Concealed Carry Win in California?

California Shall Issue Permit ProcessBack to back Second Amendment victories emerged from an unlikely source – the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals. In two cases filled with irony, it turned out that California’s recent ban on open carry paved the way for the concealed carry victory. Huh?

Yes, an anti-gun decision in California enabled a pro-gun court ruling. (Tweet This)

Monkeys are now flying out of my… well, never mind.

While California bans open carry at the state level, concealed carry policies and restrictions are determined at the county level. Frustrated by permit refusals from San Diego County, five residents sued, challenging the county’s requirement for “proof of need” to obtain a concealed carry permit. Apparently, if you’ve been murdered more than once, you “might” be eligible to obtain a carry permit in some locales.

On February 13th, the appeals court ruled on the Peruta v. San Diego case in favor of the residents and ruled the “may issue” concealed permit policy unconstitutional.

“We are not holding that the Second Amendment requires the states to permit concealed carry,” Judge Diarmuid O’Scannlain, a Reagan appointee, wrote for the panel. “But the Second Amendment does require that the states permit some form of carry for self-defense outside the home.”

With no open carry option on the table, and concealed carry effectively banned in many California counties due to arbitrary permit issuance policies, the court agreed that citizens were effectively prevented from exercising their Second Amendment rights.

If you can’t carry visibly or concealed, that only leaves parallel universe carry, which is a difficult skill for most people to master. (Tweet This)

In a follow-up case, Richards vs. Sheriff Ed Prieto, Yolo County, California’s “may issue” concealed carry permit policy was also shot down by the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals. The court rejected the county argument that the case circumstances were materially different than Peruta vs. San Diego.

“Today’s ruling reinforces the Second Amendment’s application  to state and local governments, and will help clear the way for more California citizens to exercise their right to bear arms,” said SAF founder and Executive Vice President Alan M. Gottlieb. “California officials have been put on notice that they can no longer treat the Second Amendment as a heavily regulated government privilege.”

According to the San Jose Mercury News, permits permit applications have been flooding in to a number of counties since the ruling, with many seeing double the annual average of applications in the past few weeks.

The bottom line? These two cases have solidified the position that Second Amendment rights apply outside the home – at least for California residents. At the national level, the Ninth Circuit decision is contrary to similar cases in the Second, Third and Fourth Circuit courts, so Supreme Court intervention is likely at some point.

Keep the pressure on folks!

How to Buy a Gun Online in 12 Easy Steps

Given the confusion, lies and pure garbage being regurgitated by the mainstream media about gun sales and background checks, it seems appropriate to release this excerpt from our forthcoming book, The Insanely Practical Guide to Guns and Shooting. We hope you enjoy!

You can buy all sorts of things online.

The Jack LaLanne Power Juicer, Vince Shlomi’s Slap-Chop food processor, the Ninja Cooking System and even a Brazilian Butt Lift kit. Not that I need a butt-lift kit.

Gallery of Guns online shoppingYou can even by guns online. While not quite as easy as ordering a reading from Miss Cleo’s Psychic Hotline, it’s probably more legal.

How would you buy a gun online you ask? Well, let’s start with a short quiz to check your internet armament shopping knowledge. After you answer, we’ll take a closer look at why one answer is right and the others are incorrect.

Pop Quiz! 

Which of the following is an effective way to purchase a gun online?

A. eBay – Search for “illegal assault weapons of doom” or something roughly equivalent. When you find a suitable match, bid like Congress investing in solar power companies until you win.

B. Craig’s List – Check the listings in your area, hit the ATM for a wad of cash, and drive to your next encounter with destiny. Preferably alone and at night.

C. Answer one of those emails requesting your assistance moving $20 million into the United States. Perhaps the former Prime Minister of Mozambique wants to sell some guns before fleeing the country?

D. Visit a reputable online seller like GalleryOfGuns.com or GunUp.com

If you answered A, eBay, you made a valiant, common-sense effort, but unfortunately it won’t work. You think Michael Bloomberg runs a nanny city? Try eBay. They run a nanny auction site. Every time the corporate coffee maker runs dry, eBay announces new restrictions about the things they won’t sell. Like stuffed birds, military aircraft and ships, human body parts, or accessories for assault weapons. Just where are you supposed to find a spare gall bladder anyway? Just know that eBay frowns upon selling anything gun related. They know better than you what you want and need. Just accept it.

If you answered B, Craig’s List, think for a minute. If a guy is selling a gun on Craig’s List, and wants to meet you downtown at 2am because that’s when he gets off work, you may want to reconsider your gun buy plan. You might be safer booking a trip to Ciudad Juárez, Mexico and telling a bartender you work for the Policia Federal. Ask him where you can buy a new AK47 and some crystal meth. I’m sure he’ll be plenty helpful!

If you answered C, International Financier Connections, well, why not? The odds of legally getting a gun that way are just as solid as the odds of getting your 25% commission for your assistance with moving the former Prime Minister’s fortune.

If you guessed D, you are either a gun guru, on the Department of Homeland Security’s watch list because you’re one of those pesky activists who understands things like laws. Watch your six!

That’s right, it’s perfectly legal to buy a gun online.

In fact, buying and selling guns is just about the most regulated activity there it. It’s even more regulated than Jamie Lee Curtis after taping an entire season of Activia commercials.

How Online Gun Sales Work

The first concept to understand is that there is a thing called the Federal Government. Drones who populate the Federal Government make laws and rules whenever they’re not busy campaigning, having scandalous affairs and cheating on their taxes. One of the laws that the Federal Government has flatulated is the Gun Control Act of 1968. This law was established, in 1968, to codify many important things like common-sense limitations on the size of personal commemorative spoon collections. But for purposes of this topic, we’ll limit our discussion to two components of the act:

  1. Prohibition of direct sale or mail order of firearms across state lines.
  2. Mandating the federal licensing of companies and individuals engaged in the business of selling firearms. Licensed organizations and individuals are commonly referred to as FFLs.

Gun Words Explained!

Federal Firearms License or FFL

What’s an FFL? That stands for Federal Firearms License. It’s a piece of paper with words. It’s also  genuine, bona-fide proof from the US Government that says your firearms dealer is really a dealer. FFLs can also legally sell qualified individuals firearms in face-to-face transactions with the appropriate paperwork. In other words, FFLs are legally allowed to buy and sell guns for business purposes. Specific to buying guns online, when the selling dealer gets this FFL certificate from your dealer, they’re able to exchange it for 500 prize tickets at Chuck E Cheese. Well, not really, but the FFL certificate gives the selling dealer proof and documentation that they can legally ship a firearm to another dealer. 

OK, now that we’re all clear on the specifics of the Gun Control Act of 1968 and FFLs, let’s get back to the topic of how to buy a gun online. Perhaps the easiest way to explain the process is via a handy step by step guide.

Steps to Buy a Gun Online!

  1. Google it! Go to a reputable website and search for the gun you want. We’re kind of partial to GalleryofGuns.com as they have a huge selection and pre-existing relationships with thousands of local dealers for delivery, but you can also find many reputable FFL dealers like GunUp.com that sell guns online. Be sure to get recommendations from folks in the know as to who is, and is not, reputable. If the web site you’re buying from has a domain name that ends in .ru, .kp or .temporaryuntilinterpolfindsusagain you may want to keep looking.
  2. Buy it! Once you find the gun you want, at the price you want, buy it! Most online sites will require full payment up front, but others like GalleryOfGuns.com operate through a collaborative effort with local dealers. In those cases, the online seller will take a deposit and you’ll pay the balance when you pick up the gun. More on that in a minute.
  3. Don’t get it! Now that you have bought and paid for your gun, it will NOT be shipped to you!
  4. Send the paperwork! The online seller will ask you to have a local (meaning in your state of residence) FFL dealer send them a copy of their FFL certificate. Your dealer’s FFL certificate will have their local address so the selling dealer knows where to ship the gun.
  5. Wait! At this point, the seller has your money, but they also have a document from your local dealer, certified by important government officials, that gives them an authorized shipping location.
  6. Wait! The selling dealers writes down information about the sale in their books. These are called ‘bound books’ probably because they are bound to be audited to government officials at some point.
  7. Wait! Next, the selling dealer ships your gun to your local (again, in-state) dealer. You still have not laid eyes on the gun you bought and paid for.
  8. Answer the phone! When your dealer receives your gun, they write down more numbers and such in their bound book. Then they call you to come pick it up.
  9. Fill out paperwork! When you go to pick up your gun, you will have to fill out a Form 4473. This is very similar to Form 4472, but one bigger. The Form 4473 requires you (the buyer) to fill out personal details like your name, birth date, citizenship information, favorite pastel color and whether or not you are hispanic. Yes, the most recent Form 4473 actually asks whether or not you’re hispanic. We’re not sure why. The Form 4473 also has lot’s of true / false questions that inquire about your eligibility to buy a gun. Are you currently in jail? Have you been convicted of illegal things? Do you intend to buy this gun for yourself or to send to Syrian rebels? In short, you’ll answer a dozen or so questions. Be truthful here as incorrectly filling out a Form 4473 is a big time crime.
  10. Listen in while your dealer talks to the Feds! When you have filled out and signed the Form 4473, your FFL dealer will call the FBI. This part of the process is called a NICS check. NICS stands for National Instant Criminal Background Check System. Your dealer will read off some of the information you inked on the Form 4473 to the FBI person on the phone. Your FFL dealer will most likely sound bored and uninterested while speaking to the FBI as both parties do this about a thousand times a day. The FBI will check their records to make sure you are eligible to buy a gun. If you’ve been a good boy or girl, the background check will come back positive in a minute or so and the FBI will tell your FFL dealer to proceed with the sale. Not to cause alarm, but the process doesn’t always work perfectly. So if you get a “no” response, don’t panic. False rejections are not entirely unusual as people have similar names and, of course, you are dealing with the government! If you’ve behaved and still get rejected, your local dealer can help guide you for next steps to clear things up.
  11. Pay a few bucks! Your FFL dealer will charge you some fee, usually $25 to $35 dollars for their trouble. After all, they need to send the seller their FFL, receive the shipment, process the paperwork, do a background check on you and store the records on the transaction forever. It’s a big pain in the butt for your local dealer so don’t complain too much about the transfer fee. Call your congress critter instead and ask them to repeal silly laws.
  12. Take your new gun home! That’s all there is to it! Now you get your gun!


The above scenario applies to gun sales that go across state lines. If you see a gun advertised on the internet in your home state, you can certainly contact the seller and make arrangements to go see and buy the gun. The seller cannot ship the gun to you, but they can sell it to you directly. This is America after all and private sales between two individuals are perfectly legal. If the seller is an FFL dealer, you’ll have to go to their location, fill out the same NICS background check paperwork and pass the check to get your gun. If the seller is a private individual not engaged in the business of buying and selling guns, you can meet that person to complete the transaction. Again, this scenario only applies when the seller and buyer are in the same state.

The Bottom Line

So, for all the political hoopla about getting guns online, background checks and the underground arms trade, buying and selling guns is a highly regulated process.

While it takes a few words to describe the process, it’s actually pretty simple. Now that you know the specifics of the process, it might be helpful to relate a real online purchase I made recently as it’s a lot easier than it sounds.

We purchased this nifty Smith & Wesson M&P 15 VTAC online from GunUp.com

We purchased this nifty Smith & Wesson M&P 15 VTAC online from GunUp.com

Buying a Smith & Wesson M&P 15 VTAC from GunUp.com

  1. I shopped online at GunUp.com and found an awesome Smith & Wesson M&P 15 VTAC at a great price. I clicked the “buy” button and paid via a credit card.
  2. I got an email from the sales team at GunUp.com asking for my FFL information.
  3. I emailed my local FFL, HHB Guns, and asked them to send a copy of their FFL Certificate to the folks at GunUp.com.
  4. About a week later, Henry at HHB guns called me and told me to come get my rifle.
  5. I stopped by, filled out the Form 4473, listened to Henry’s bored conversation with the FBI, and passed (whew!) my NICS check. It’s a good thing I don’t work for the Department of Justice or I might have been denied.
  6. I paid Henry $20 (HHB Guns has a great deal on transfer fees!) and took my rifle home. I think Henry was kind of sad to see it leave as it’s a really sweet rifle.

Piece of cake!

So here’s the bottom line.

I love shopping at local gun stores and shows. I often buy guns, accessories and supplies locally. But sometimes, that certain something you want is only available online. Or maybe you found a used gun on an auction site that you want to buy. Go ahead! While highly regulated, just like buying locally, purchasing online is safe, reliable and easy.

Buy The Insanely Practical Guide to Gun Holsters at Amazon.com

Going (Contract) Postal Because ACE Is The Place

contract post office ace hardware

Do Contract Post Office facilities have magical gun free zones?

I almost went postal today.

I think.

But it was a contract deal, so I’m not sure.

You see, I stopped by an ACE Hardware store near my home. ACE is the place. Ours sells everything from designer spackle to multi-color Post-It Notes to Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. I know this because the Reese’s are right in the checkout line display, where I will be sure to buy some every time I visit.

This particular ACE Hardware store has a United States Post Office CONTRACT facility in it. Right between shelves of office supplies and advent calendars, there is a large grey floor mat where you stand in line to mail packages, buy stamps, and tell the clerk you are not shipping anything fragile, explosive, or perishable. While I did notice the floor mat, I was not able to detect a gun free zone force field. Didn’t even feel any electrostatic buzz in the area. Nor did I get brain cancer while I was there, as far as I know. So really I’m only guessing that the floor mat designates a gun free area of the store.

So here’s the problem. If you carry a concealed firearm, you do not, under any circumstance, take it into an official, designated United States Post Office. You do not have it in your car in the parking lot of a United States Post Office. You do not wear a “Body Piercing by Smith & Wesson” t-shirt. You do not even think about next weekends gun show. Right, wrong, indifferent, or completely insane, every armed citizen should know this. Yeah, I think it’s nuts too, so write your congress critters like I do.

But this isn’t a United States Post Office. It’s an ACE Hardware store that sells Buck Knives, Carhartt Union Suits, and nifty deep fryers for turkeys (or road kill if you’re on a tight budget.) These things are all clearly consistent with gun totin’ right? On the other hand, there are stacks of Flat Rate shipping boxes scattered all over that one aisle between the stapler refills and front porch flags. Clearly Post Office type stuff.

So I’m perplexed.

Are certain areas of my ACE Hardware Store federal gun free zones?

If someone wants to commit armed robbery this particular ACE Hardware, do they get more prison time if they step on the grey floor mat area?

What if, in process of committing the armed robbery, they knock over a stack of flat rate shipping boxes? Is that now first degree littering?

Will Snookie have a boy or a girl? In either case, will the child come out of the womb spray tanned?

Were federal stimulus dollars used to buy up the square footage under that particular floor mat, thereby making part of ACE Hardware federal property?

If someone just wants to rob the Buck Knife display, and steps around the contract post office area, is that OK? Or do they have to leave their gun in the car?

Can legislators exercise any less common sense while legislating common sense legislation?

If a legally armed citizen is out shopping, on a tight time schedule, and has to buy a PVC to garden hose fitting and mail a Publishers Clearing House sweepstakes entry, do they have to make two separate trips?

ACE is the place where you can legally carry a gun in this state, but is the contract post office also the place?

What say you? Is it legal? Will you end up in Club Gitmo if you carry into this particular ACE?

Signs, Mom Counting to 3, and Caning by Celery at the NRA Annual Meeting

“Oh, signs, signs, everywhere there’s signs

Blocking up the scenery, breaking my mind

Do this, don’t do that, can’t you read the sign?”

While the 5 Man Electrical Band was nowhere to be found, the city of St. Louis took the message to heart – and even hired James Earl Jones to make new audio signs in case people were too busy talking about guns to pay attention to the printed signs. Well, the James Earl Jones part is not entirely confirmed – yet. We’re working on that.

We lost count of the number of “NO CONCEALED WEAPONS” signs after 14,328. And that was just on the MetroLink train. Can’t read? Not to worry – the MetroLink stations broadcast an audio message loop, part of which reminds riders that no weapons are allowed at any time. And that gum chewing get’s you caned by unripe celery. That’s where James Earl Jones comes in.

Yeah, but what if you are texting, therefore not looking at signs, while listening to Justin Bieber and his Orchestra with your earbuds? Not to worry! The MetroLink folks thoughtfully placed a 2 foot by 4 foot sign at the top of station escalators so you run right smack into it – knees first. If you read the fine print, you’ll find that reconstructive knee surgery is not covered by the city. Bummer, that hurt.

Although it may seem silly to have all those signs, there’s a good reason. Your mother can’t always be around to threaten counting to three if you don’t stop whatever it is you’re doing. Hence the signs. Given that signs are not quite as intimidating as an angry mother, it usually takes 20 or 30 of them to make you feel guilty enough to stop. Thinking about carrying your concealed gun on the MetroLink regardless? Not after you pass the 23rd sign telling you not to.

Some people think that signs are a waste of time, because people no longer read anything except text messages and Kardashian Kapers Weekly. That and the fact that bad guys will ignore the signs anyway. While there is some truth to that, scientists have discovered that inherently bad people just require more signs. Most people who turn out bad do so because their mothers would allow their bad behavior to continue all the way to the count of 4 or even 5, hence the need for more signs in their adult years. Are you beginning to see the logic? By the time the good guys get to the MetroLink ticket machine, the signs have guilted them into melting their guns to make Shake Weights. Bad guys are more stubborn, but even the worst of them can’t make it to the train platform without tearfully donating their illegal guns to Jerry’s Kids.

Taking an example from the MetroLink’s sign program effectiveness, the Americas Center also prohibits weapons through the use of signs. While these rules seemed effective on the NRA Annual Meeting attendees, as there were hardly any mass shootings at the fresh lemonade stands, gun industry employees are clearly very, very bad people. Signs or no signs, they brought tens of thousands of their guns into the show. So signs only work most of the time, not all the time – hence the need for more aggressive tactics like window stickers.

Can you even imagine how high Gun Salesmen’s moms had to count?

Half-Cocked: Concealed Carry Permit Machines?

wisconsin ccw permit machine.jpg

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