Jersey Shore Bodyguard in Action

Smith & Wesson Holding Corporation (SWHC, Nasdaq) today announced an extension to it’s new Bodyguard line of personal protection pistols, the Jersey Shore Edition.

Aimed squarely at the post binge-drinking, out of control situation market segment, the Bodyguard Jersey Shore line offers several innovative features designed to offer ego and hairstyle protection, while minimizing regrets the day after.

According to Smith & Wesson CEO Ben Cartwright, the Bodyguard Jersey Shore is designed to protect reputation, ego, and lucrative television contracts without permanent physical harm. “Say you’re at the club, at like 3:30am, and some juicehead gorilla wants to smoosh with you. But you’re like, forget that, I just got my nails done and my spray tan hasn’t fully dried yet. The Bodyguard Jersey Shore is the perfect solution. It allows you to ward off unwanted advances at the clubs without physical harm, so the next day, when your tan is dry, you can hook up with that juicehead with no hard feelings.”

Smith & Wesson spokespeople declined to offer details on exactly how the Bodyguard Jersey Shore works, but industry insiders speculate that the technology relies on remote steroid neutralization. “If you can make the guys abs look really lame, you have the power and respect” stated J-Woww, an early adopter of the Bodyguard Jersey Shore Edition system. “It’s like ‘I own you now guido!’ One more move and I’ll show the whole club that you’re a skank with no abs.”