UK Bans Images of “Scary Things”

Following on the heels a recent ban of images showing guns, the British Advertising Standards Authority has elected to extend the ban to all things deemed “potentially scary.”

rosie odonnell exit to eden assault weapon

'Scary Thing' Example

Nigel Giles, spokesperson for the authority offered this explanation. “Gawdon Bennet! We got complaints abaaaht a new advert. OK? Awright geeezzaa! abaaaht what movieWan’ed‘ starrin’ actress Angelina Jolie. Sorted mate. There are scenes ov Jolie firin’ pistols an’ shotguns in a somewhat butters (sexy) fashion. Lor’ luv a duck! scared me ter dearf . Know what I mean?”

After Mr. Giles was sedated, senior ASA spokesperson Harbottle Sainsbury clarified the authorities position. “Movie images and pictures of sexy people shooting guns tends to scare the bejeepers out of us Brits. Plus, Ms. Jolie has really big lips. That’s kind of scary too. We decided to get in front of this problem and start outlawing other things that can be perceived as scary. Before they actually scare people that is. Care for some tea?”

Scary Burger King Guy

Scary Burger King Guy

While details of what things are considered “scary” are still being worked out, British Prime Minister Gordon Brown offered some examples of what types of images could fall under the ban:

  • Rosie O’Donnell
  • Spiders
  • United States Congress Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi
  • The movie “Jaws”
  • British Comedian Russell Brand
  • That big snaky monster baselisk thing that was in Harry Potter
  • Actor Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter) appearing nude in the play Equus
  • That creepy plastic Burger King guy

Citizens are encouraged to submit suggestions of other scary things that should be considered in the pending ban legislation.

Obama Offers Historic Pistol to British Prime Minister Brown

In a White House ceremony today, President Obama offered a historic gift to visiting British Prime Minister Gordon Brown. The rare pistol, known as a “We don’t like you anymore” Special , was the first of it’s kind ever presented to a visiting dignitary.

Brown graciously accepted the gift, even going so far as to insist that the President try it first. “As this very unique revolver has never been fired before, the citizens of Great Britain would be most honored if you were to shoot it first.” Brown told President Obama. “If you were to fire this weapon, as a symbol of the hope and change that you bring to us all, you would be doing the world a tremendous service.”

In a related announcement, Obama announced a new and improved Axis of Evil, recently upgraded from former President George W. Bush’s Axis of Evil. Obama’s new list adds Great Britain to original members Iran, North Korea, and Lichtenstein.

More on the story at American Thinker.

Photo: FreakingNews.com

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