I Do Not Like Guns Here Or There, I Do Not Like Them Anywhere

Dianne Feinstein Dr. Seuss I do not like guns

More on the LaPierreCare Affordable Gun Act here.

Top 5 Reasons to Own a Gun

1. Because you can’t (legally) poke Michael Bloomberg in the eye.

But you can figuratively, by exercising your Second Amendment right. Every time someone guys a gun, a bell rings. Wait a sec, that’s not right. Every time a bell rings, Chuck Schumer sprouts bat wings. No, hang on, we’ll get it. Every time someone buys a gun, one of the Mayors Against Legal Governing commits another crime. That’s close enough for government work… Do you want to know why Dianne Feinstein and Bloomie (allegedly) wear Depends? Because Second Amendment, that’s why!

Lots of guns - rifles, pistols, ar15

Buy a gun. Better yet, several.

2. Because the MK-19 Automatic Grenade Launcher is too heavy.

It’s a crew served weapon after all and generally takes 3 people to move and operate it. The gun itself if a whopping 72 pounds. The tripod adds another 44 pounds, and the small and large ammo cans are 42 and 60 pounds respectively. Plus the large ammo belt of 40mm grenades has recently been banned in New York and Colorado. While the blast radius offers excellent self-defense capability, it’s hard on the back, surrounding buildings and low flying aircraft.

3. Because Uncle Sam says so.

No, not Uncle Barack. Uncle Sam. No, not the bearded guy in the World War II posters. I mean Uncle Sam Adams. You know, the guy who invented beer. Oh, and he also proposed this verbiage for U.S. Constitution ratification at the Massachusetts convention: “And that the said Constitution be never construed to authorize Congress to infringe the just liberty of the press, or the rights of conscience; or to prevent the people of the United States, who are peaceable citizens, from keeping their own arms.”

Opening grape jelly the easy way.

Opening grape jelly the easy way.

4. Nothing opens a jar of grape jelly like a .357 Sig hollow point.

Forget those rubber pads and Black and Decker electric jar openers. Try opening your condiments with gusto and plenty of drama! Because YOLO…

5. Because you can.

You have a God-given, not government granted right to protect yourself and your loved ones. It’s as simple as that.

United States Constitution Acknowledged By Senate

Thursday, February 26, 2009 Fairfax, Va. – In a surprise vote today, Congress determined that there is in fact an important document called the consitution that outlines how the country should be run. “This new discovery kind of threw us for a loop” stated Senator Dianne Feinstein. “We’ve just been figuring things out as we go up to this point, and in our view that’s been working out pretty well. Except for the whole national bankruptcy thing of course.”

United States Constitution

United States Constitution

After discovering, and reading, the newly found Constitution, the Senate quickly voted 62-36 to overturn a controversial gun ban in the nations capitol. “Apparently there is some language in there that talks about peoples rights to own weapons of mass destruction or something like that” observed New York Senator Chuck Schumer. “My staff tells me its called the ‘second appendage’ or ‘second abomination’ or some such thing. I’ll have to look into it and get back to you. Clearly we’re going to have to fix that.”

Others were not surprised by the move. Chris Cox, Executive Director of the National Rifle Association’s Institute for Legislative Action commented “It’s time for leaders in Washington to wake up to the fact that the Supreme Court decision is now the law of the land.”

When asked about Cox’s comments, Senator Schumer appeared surprised. “What? That’s just great. First we find out about this Constitution thing and now you’re telling me about something called The Supreme Court? What is this country coming to anyway?”

Photo: The Coyote Report

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