London Olympic Games to Debut Origami Pistol Competition

In a surprise announcement today the London 2012 Olympic Committee has reached a compromise on accommodation of the fifteen scheduled shooting competitions at this summers’ games.

“Our panties have been in a wad like you wouldn’t believe” complained Neville Wiltchamberlain, Minister of Irrational Worrywarting. “We thought it would be awesome to have the Olympics here in London until we found out that guns would be involved in some of the events.”

Earlier in the year, the London Olympic Committee attempted to minimize attendance to the shooting competitions by excluding them from the 175,000 tickets distributed free to schoolchildren. “Can you image the trauma our country would have had to deal with if the children, yes children, saw .22 calibre competition shooting pistols and rifles?” queried Wiltchamberlain. “Next thing you know, they would have wanted us to re-legalize Nerf guns!”

Fortunately, with the aid of a Japanese crisis mitigation consultant, a compromise was reached. Instead of using real guns and shooting at targets, competitors will compete with Origami guns. As origami guns don’t actually fire projectiles, competitors will be timed on how quickly they can re-fold NRA membership brochures into paper pistols. A panel of judges from The United Kingdom, France, and Chicago will score contestants on style and efficient use of paper.

“This is a much better example for the children” explained Wiltchamberlain.

About A Gal Who Shoots .30 Cal

Anette Wachter - .30 Cal Gal with her Jim Cloward Special

Anette Wachter – .30 Cal Gal with her Jim Cloward Special

Today we’re taking a look at a different facet of the shooting sports – high-power, long-range rifle competition. While our crack investigative team was surfing the internetz, we ran across .30 Cal Gal, known in civilian circles as Anette Wachter. Anette seems to think that it’s humanly possible to shoot at targets up to 1,000 yards away using iron sights. Right. As if you can even see anything 2/3 of a mile away. On further investigation, we found that she’s actually telling the truth. Not only do she and her husband Charles shoot at targets almost over the visual horizon, they actually hit them. Frequently. Apparently scopes are for sissies.

To read the complete interview with .30 Cal Gal, see the full article on AmmoLand.com

Gargoyles Plan To Form Shooting Team

Gargoyles competition shooting team

Gargoyles Competition Shooting Team Captain Grog Photo: thecelticcroft.com

According to recent reports from AmmoLand.com, the Gargoyles intend to form a new competitive shooting team. Traditionally known for their fearsome appearance, Gargoyles have not historically been recognized for their agility and speed. According to industry insiders, that reputation is about to change.

“People generally think of rock sculptures as slow and inflexible” comments Don Draper, Vice President of Marketing for Gargoyles Eyewear. “Just because they’re evil and mean looking doesn’t mean that they can’t shake and bake on the course of fire. Plus they have the added benefit of scaring away evil spirits. But the thing that really attracted us to the whole competitive Gargoyle concept was that most Gargoyles have wings and we expect them to literally fly through complex courses in major USPSA competitions.”

Gargoyles Eyewear Shooting Team

Gargoyles Eyewear Shooting Team

Rumors have been circulating for some time that the Gargoyles have been training in more sedentary shooting sports such as Benchrest and NRA Bullseye to prepare for their entre into the action shooting arena. “We’ve been really impressed by the stability and resulting accuracy that these Gargoyles have been able to achieve.” stated Wayne LaPierre, Executive Director of the National Rifle Association. “They just sit there and don’t flinch – like they were made of stone or something.”

Gargoyles Eyewear will be equipping the new team with proven eye protection designs including the Classic and Veil Series but will also leverage the teams exposure in the shooting community to launch the all-new ‘Rock Solid’ series. According to unnamed sources, the Rock Solid line will feature 325% UV protection and unsurpassed durability. “These things will last an eternity” bragged Draper.

Action Shooting Championships Dominated by Justice League of America

Justice League America DC Comics

Justice League of America (DC Comics, Ed Benes)

Blacktown, Australia, October 2010 – Making many renowned competitors look amateurish in comparison, the Justice League of America swept the recent Action Shooting World Championships. While a host of world-class shooters descended on The Blacktown Pistol Club in Sydney, Australia, it was clear from Match 2 (The Barricade Event) onwards that the Justice League team meant business.

Ralph Dibny, better known as The Elongated Man, commented “I think my ability to just stretch around all the barricades really helped to shave seconds off my time. I didn’t have to run anywhere. Elasticity is really an advantage in this part of the match.”

Wonder Woman Superhero

Wonder Woman (Art: Terry Dodson)

The Green Lantern, also known in civilian circles as Hal Jordan, easily took top honors in the falling plate stage. “While there is still a little controversy over legality, I just used my Green Power Ring to shatter the plates” commented Jordan. I did actually shoot at the first one, so I don’t see what people are complaining about.”

Some competitors were less than pleased with the Justice League team. Top Shot reality star Adam Benson intends to lodge a formal complaint with competition organizers. “When Wonder Woman wanted to use her invisible plane during the Moving Target stage, that was the last straw for me” wailed Benson. “I think if you have supernatural powers or come from another planet then you shouldn’t be eligible.”

While most of the Justice League team exhibited quiet humility during their unprecedented victory, some got carried away in the excitement. “When we got to Stage 8 – the Iron Man Match – I was like, REALLY?” laughed Justice League Team Captain Superman. “Give me a break. Iron man? Like that one’s not over before it starts? Please.” Superman refused to comment when asked about recent sightings of him and Wonder Woman at trendy Sydney restaurant, Outback Steakhouse.

Top 10 reasons I want to be on Top Shot

  1. Top Shot logoI want to prove to all the pantywaists that armed people can in fact have disagreements without gunfire breaking out. Then again, not many pantywaists watch the History Channel
  2. I’m not mentioning any names, Adam, but I can make a point without repeating ‘rat fink’ 94 times.
  3. I wouldn’t miss the nomination target like others whose name I won’t mention. Adam.
  4. I always wanted to shoot a slingshot with a night-vision scope.
  5. It would be interesting to see how many internet commandos would find reasons to flame me – just because.
  6. Colby can give me some insider tips about how to get on Survivor.
  7. I haven’t had a good excuse to shoot my blunderbuss for a while.
  8. I want to write “Wendy, I’m home!” on the pool table with playing cards just to see who freaks out.
  9. I bet they eat yummy steaks in that ranch house every night.
  10. I could almost afford a real ACOG scope with the hundred grand prize money.

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