Somehow this seems even more relevant than when originally posted…
Breaking News: The late Charlton Heston has stepped forward to volunteer to serve as Special Prosecutor in the explosive Fast and Furious scandal. Mr. Heston brushed off stunned observers who were quite surprised at the actor and former NRA President’s entry back into the political scene and even more shocked at his apparent resurrection.
“Heck, Zombies rise from the dead all the time. It’s not that big a deal really. And this is a darn tooting’ good reason if there ever was one,” observed the late Mr. Heston.
Mr. Heston elaborated on his decision and explained that he was pretty sure that Fast and Furious and the resulting cover-up broke most of The Ten Commandments and maybe more. “I got to be pretty knowledgeable about those rules during an old movie role years back you know.”
Asked for his reaction to the news, Attorney General Holder stated “I don’t know.” Pressed for additional detail, Holder admitted “That guy scares me. Especially now that he’s dead.”
Insiders indicate that Mr. Heston is committed to the project and will remain undead for as long as it takes to get to the bottom of the GunWalker scandal. According to Heston’s remains, “I may be dead, but I’m not about to stand for this! These guys are going to have to pry this job from my cold, dead hands! Oh, wait a minute, my hands are cold and dead. Whatever.”
Apparently the interview process has started…
In an apparent effort to address its faltering public image head on, the agency formerly known as the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (BATFE) is changing its name.
Constantly fighting public perception that the agency is hiding its true mission with ambiguous smoke and mirror tactics, BATFE is making a bold move to meet its critics directly. Under a new mandate by Attorney General Eric Holder, the agency will now be called Brazenly Arming Thousands of Foreign Evildoers, thereby keeping the familiar acronym BATFE in order to minimize confusion during the transition process.
The new logo, to be released later this week, was reportedly designed by the Los Angeles design firm of Sarandon, Fonda, and Penn. Prominently featured on the new logo are guns, drugs, and a silhouette of Mexico – features all designed to help portray the agency’s primary mission. An unnamed and recently promoted BATFE spokesperson asked that all further questions be addressed to the DC legal firm of Holder and Holder.