President’s Gun Control Order Will Reduce Street Crime

New Gun Control Executive Orders to eliminate corporate jackings. Photo: FoxNews.com

New Gun Control Executive Orders to eliminate corporate jackings. Photo: FoxNews.com

The shooting community was stunned by two Executive Orders from the Obama administration earlier this week.

One of the proclamations effectively closes a secret loophole commonly used by street thugs, gang members, and the Reverend Al Sharpton. Under current law, legally formed corporations and trust officers are able to purchase restricted firearms such as short-barreled shotguns, automatic rifles and sound suppressors. The new Executive Order mandates finger prints, background checks and local law enforcement approval of officers and trustees before these legal entities can apply for special permits from the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives. Although the process is cumbersome, federally controlled and takes 6 to 12 months to complete, administration officials are convinced that low lifes and gang bangers are taking advantage.

“Fo shizzle!” whined one Crips member who declined to be identified. “I was planning a couple of jackings for sometime next spring or summer. I figured I would need to be strapped for that,  so I had my mouthpiece at the law firm of Rutherford, Collingsworth and Davenport drawing me up a Subchapter S Corporation. You need that to begin the application process for restricted firearms ya know. Obviously the benefits of limited financial liability of the partners and flexibility of taxable income distribution will benefit my fellow bangers too. Besides, the Bloods all use Limited Liability Corporations, so we didn’t want to go that route.”

Most gang members we spoke to were still in a state of shock, wondering how they were going to acquire restricted weapons now that the corporate and trust loophole is being closed. Many top 100 law firms are already planning for losses in billable revenue. “Losing thug life business is really going to hurt” moaned Commerce Winthorpe, Esquire, founding partner of the prestigious firm Winthorpe, Winthorpe and Fiddy Cent PeaceOut!, LLC. “We’re definitely going to have to cut back on complimentary mint juleps on Friday afternoons.”

Administration officials expect the measure to eliminate virtually all crime resulting from the loophole. “Today’s street thugs have gotten pretty sophisticated” explained an anonymous official. “They’ll plan a mugging 6-12 months in advance to allow time for setting up a corporation, completing the BATFE application, and waiting for agency approval to get a suppressed double deuce. The days of spontaneous jackings are long gone.”

While insiders won’t comment, many expect the next Executive Order will close the notorious non-profit museum loophole, believed to be the root cause of cannon, flintlock and gatling gun crime.

Half-Cocked: Fast and Furious? Check Your Six…

check your six

Half-Cocked: A New Fast & Furious Deflection…

Half-Cocked: A New Fast & Furious Deflection...

Half-Cocked: A New Fast & Furious Deflection...

Holder and Holder Legal Services

Somehow this seems even more relevant than when originally posted…

Holder and Holder Legal Services

Holder and Holder Legal Services

Half-Cocked: Let’s Make a Fast & Furious Deal!

Let's Make A Fast & Furious Deal!

Let's Make A Fast & Furious Deal!

Charlton Heston Steps Forward To Lead Fast and Furious Investigation

The Late Charlton Heston to Lead Fast and Furious Investigation

Breaking News: The late Charlton Heston has stepped forward to volunteer to serve as Special Prosecutor in the explosive Fast and Furious scandal. Mr. Heston brushed off stunned observers who were quite surprised at the actor and former NRA President’s entry back into the political scene and even more shocked at his apparent resurrection.

“Heck, Zombies rise from the dead all the time. It’s not that big a deal really. And this is a darn tooting’ good reason if there ever was one,” observed the late Mr. Heston.

Mr. Heston elaborated on his decision and explained that he was pretty sure that Fast and Furious and the resulting cover-up broke most of The Ten Commandments and maybe more. “I got to be pretty knowledgeable about those rules during an old movie role years back you know.”

Asked for his reaction to the news, Attorney General Holder stated “I don’t know.” Pressed for additional detail, Holder admitted “That guy scares me. Especially now that he’s dead.”

Insiders indicate that Mr. Heston is committed to the project and will remain undead for as long as it takes to get to the bottom of the GunWalker scandal. According to Heston’s remains, “I may be dead, but I’m not about to stand for this! These guys are going to have to pry this job from my cold, dead hands! Oh, wait a minute, my hands are cold and dead. Whatever.”

 

Fast and Furious Special Prosecutor Search on Facebook

Apparently the interview process has started…

Fast and Furious Special Prosecutor Interviews Have Started!

Fast and Furious Special Prosecutor Interviews Have Started!

Half-Cocked: Operation Fast and Furious Hearings…

Operation Fast and Furious Hearings...

Operation Fast and Furious Hearings...

Half-Cocked: ATF’s Failed Retail Store Stimulus Program…

ATF's Failed Retail Store Stimulus Program...

ATF's Failed Retail Store Stimulus Program...

Half-Cocked: ATF Fast Pass Program…

ATF Fast Pass Program

ATF Fast Pass Program

Legal Disclosures about articles on My Gun Culture