Bring Home The Bacon, It’s Flitch Day!

Hamley Presiding Over Flitch Day Ceremonies

Hamley Presiding Over Flitch Day Ceremonies

Gunnies, gun nuts, gun freaks, and other others must take marital fidelity seriously.

We know this because gun people love bacon. Mmmmm. Bacon. Back to the story.

So what is it that defines the strong correlation between love of bacon and love of spouse? We don’t know. What we DO know is that this bond has been recognized since at least the 15th century, and maybe earlier, perhaps as early as the year 1104.

Enter the flitch. While it sounds like a Quiddich accessory from Harry Potter, a flitch is more or less equivalent to a side of bacon. Again, mmmmm.

As the story goes, monks of years past offered bacon bribes to married couples who could prove to a jury of bachelors and bachelorettes that they had remained committed to their marriage – pure of thought and deed – for the preceding year.

As part of their testimony to the jury of cold shower professionals, couples would recite the following oath:

We do swear by custom of confession

That we ne’re made nuptial transgression

Nor since we were married man and wife

By household brawl or contentious strife,

Or otherwise at bed or board,

Offended each other in deed or word;

Or since the parish clerk said amen,

Wished ourselves unmarried again;

Or in a twelvemonth and a day

Repented in thought in any way,

But continue true and in desire

As when we joined in holy quire.

The presiding monk would reply as follows:

Since to these conditions,

without any fear,

Of your own accord you do freely swear,

A whole flitch of bacon you shall receive,

And bear it hence with love and good leave;

For this is our custom at Dunmow well known

Though the pleasure be ours,

the bacon’s your own.

The moral of the story? As long as you are sincere about makin’ bacon with your own, you’ll continue to bring it home too.

Must. Love. Bacon.

Watch the shiny object and repeat after me…

You’re

(Via The Breda Fallacy.)

Blade-Tech Releases Next Generation Bacon Hybrid Holster

Blade-Tech Bacon Hybrid Holster

Blade-Tech Bacon Hybrid Holster

Blade-Tech, leading manufacturer of injection molded tactical holsters, knife sheaths and magazine pouches today announced availability of their next generation hybrid holsters.

“Our new hybrid line combines what are the finest three materials known to man – kydex, leather, and bacon” bragged Blade-Tech CEO Ben Cartwright. “After we announced our new kydex / leather hybrid holsters earlier this year, we immediately started thinking about ways to reach the next level of defensive culinary performance.”

Clayton Moore as The Lone Ranger

Clayton Moore as The Lone Ranger

One of the primary objectives of the new triple hybrid line was ease and speed of draw. Blade-Tech product managers tested thousands of materials before settling on bacon as the foundation of the new holster. Early customers agree with the choice and recognize distinct speed of draw advantages. “This new bacon holster is sure slick on the draw” gushed Clayton Moore, better known as The Lone Ranger. “I have to admit that the whole rig can get a little greasy at times, but on the plus side, it’s a heck of a lot easier to put on my tight cowboy pants now.”

Industry insiders were given advance looks at the new holster line. Roy Huntington, Editor of American Handgunner Magazine recently completed a comprehensive review of the new triple hybrid. “Mmmmmm. Bacon” purred Huntington.

Asked about future versions of the bacon holster, Cartwright replied “You might look for a double thick version in the near future. We think its a good way to consolidate an hour or so’s worth of emergency rations right in the holster itself.”

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