Attorney General Holder To Obfuscate On Capitol Hill

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Nancy Pelosi, Eric Holder Resort To Rock, Paper, Scissors

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi

Early policy splits appear to be forming between new cabinet members and Democrat congressional leaders. When newly confirmed Attorney General Eric Holder hinted at reviving the assault weapons ban last week, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi quickly distanced herself from the topic.

“Eric is a big fat liar.” said Pelosi. “Infinity.”

The dispute appeared to be resolved until Holder responded “I’m rubber and you’re glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you. Infinity plus one.”

Congressional observers quickly cried foul and claimed that “infinity plus one” is not fair. “It’s kind of like calling shotgun or the top bunk in your head. You have to say it out loud.” stated Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, who suggested resolving the dispute with Rock, Paper, Scissors.  House Speaker Pelosi and Attorney General Holder reluctantly agreed while expressing concerns about how they would agree to “throw” at the same time. Early reports suggest that conservative talk radio host Rush Limbaugh may be called in to arbitrate the decision.

Photo: Pat Dollard

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