Apparently the interview process has started…
In an apparent effort to address its faltering public image head on, the agency formerly known as the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (BATFE) is changing its name.
Constantly fighting public perception that the agency is hiding its true mission with ambiguous smoke and mirror tactics, BATFE is making a bold move to meet its critics directly. Under a new mandate by Attorney General Eric Holder, the agency will now be called Brazenly Arming Thousands of Foreign Evildoers, thereby keeping the familiar acronym BATFE in order to minimize confusion during the transition process.
The new logo, to be released later this week, was reportedly designed by the Los Angeles design firm of Sarandon, Fonda, and Penn. Prominently featured on the new logo are guns, drugs, and a silhouette of Mexico – features all designed to help portray the agency’s primary mission. An unnamed and recently promoted BATFE spokesperson asked that all further questions be addressed to the DC legal firm of Holder and Holder.
Our regularly scheduled editorial will not be seen today so we can bring you this special advertising supplement. The views expressed in this advertorial do not necessarily represent the opinions of Eric Holder, the US Attorney Generals Office, the Justice Department, The National Rifle Association, or Vladimir Putin.
Routine follow up on this weekend’s breaking news that ATF agents are being honored on United States currency indicated that the failed sting operation has become more mainstream…
In a bold move today, the Treasury Department announced plans to honor ATF Operation Fast and Furious ringleaders on new US currency. Promoted to Special Assistant to the Assistant Director of the agency’s Office of Management for his pivotal role in enabling the murder of at least one US Government agent and hundreds of Mexican civilians, Agent William Newell will be the first to be recognized – appearing on $100 bills later this fall.
“We felt it appropriate to launch this memorial program with the $100 bill as it is the currency of choice for drug kingpins,” commented Assistant US Treasury Secretary George Soros. “Most of the guns we let run into Mexico were in fact purchased with $100 bills so it just seemed kind of appropriate. Plus I like carrying a lot of hundreds around – it makes me feel more elite.”
The new move is not without controversy. “What do I have to do to get on the money?” complained notorious New York investment scam artist Bernie Madoff. “I mean I didn’t directly kill anyone, but my actions were much more closely tied to money and stuff like that. Sheesh!”
Many insiders agree that the move will help stifle further investigation of embattled ATF leadership figures. “We hope to associate these patriotic ATF agents with happy things people do with their money, like buying candy, cocaine, and beer” explained Attorney General Eric Holder. “That way, they will be far less supportive of ugly things like congressional inquiries and such.”
While dates are not firm, the Treasury plans to release new $20 and $50 bills featuring ATF agents William G. McMahon and David Voth early this winter.