Meet Edwin. He’s a stud muffin – mainly because he walks around dressed in full WWI battle regalia.
All his buddies in the U.S. Army 79th Infantry Division think he’s a total bro because he’s a new BAR man. BAR as in Browning Automatic Rifle that is.
Edwin has come to war equipped with a cup, as all good privates should. Mainly so the private can protect his privates. It’s not like you think, however, as Edwin’s cup, or pocket, protects him in an entirely different way. Offensively, not defensively.
Early BAR men were issued an automatic rifleman’s belt with a special metal “cup” between the BAR magazine pouches and pistol magazine pouch. This cup was intended to support the BAR’s stock as the shooter fired from the hip in a concept called “walking fire.”
The idea behind this was to make an automatic weapon portable enough to accompany advancing troops. The Vickers Machine Gun was a tad too bulky and heavy for this use, even by a hunk like Edwin, and the Chauchat Machine Rifle, which was portable, was entirely French in terms of reliability and performance. Enough said.
Enter the Browning Automatic Rifle. Awfully heavy to shoulder fire under control while dashing across the shell-cratered battlefields of France, designers developed the ‘walking fire‘ concept. The stock was snugged in to a pocket or cup on the shooters ammo belt, thereby supporting some of the weight of the rifle and allowing a semblance of controlled hip firing. Historians are unclear as to whether elite troops like the German salsa-dancing belt buckle guard were specifically recruited. Among other problems with the ‘walking fire’ concept was that the very first BAR’s featured a top mounted ejection port. Of course, only those who minded brass being ejected straight into their face while attacking the huns considered the ejection system a problem.
Admit it. We all have been known to ‘dig for gold‘ now and then, but very few of us would voluntarily choose to cleanse our nasal passages with burning hot .30-06 brass at a rate of 500 to 650 rounds per minute. Semi-automatic maybe, but no way would I give up my favorite nose-clearing pinkie finger in favor of steaming brass ejecta.
As you can imagine, early testers, even those with serious allergies, complained. Something had to be done. So Mr. Browning went back to the drawing board and relocated the ejection port to the side of the BAR’s receiver. Burning booger problem solved.
And now you know the real story behind development of the BAR’s side mounted ejection system.
We’re pretty sure Armageddon is upon us.
At the recent LuckyGunner.com gun blogger shoot, we spotted Satan field testing the Kriss Vector .45 ACP sub machine gun. Well, actually it may not have been the real Satan, but rather Mz. Vast Right Wing Conspiracy from The Great Satan. While we were prepared for the worst, we actually found that Mz. Conspiracy (also known as Jackie) was not only minimally evil, but rather nice. We’re not sure about The Great Satan’s co-author Capitalist Pig though. He may be really evil for all we know. He does seem to think American Exceptionalism is a good thing. That is evil these days right?
Back to the point.
Here’s a video of the Kriss Vector in action. The first section features a Kriss representative going through the operating instructions with Mz. Conspiracy while the second shows it in action. Our apologies for all the gunfire on the background. The free ammo from LuckyGunner.com sure did cause a lot of noise. Pay particular attention to the slow motion at the end and the combination of amazingly low muzzle climb for a .45 ACP shooting at 1,500 rounds per minute and Mz. Conspiracy’s excellent shooting form. Rumor has it she’s being courted for Top Shot, but we didn’t tell you that.
There’s a lot of confusion, misunderstanding, and downright lies about assault weapons, so in true My Gun Culture fashion I hope to clarify this once and for all.
Assault Weapons are sneaky little morphing bastards. They have a unique ability to change their DNA day to day, hour to hour, and news broadcast to news broadcast. Just ask Dan Rather. Usually the cause of the metamorphosis can be traced back to political agenda, but sometimes T.V. personalities can cause shape shifting simply by their spoken word and some creative video editing.
Evidence of the first assault weapon was found at the Tamerza and Midés excavation site in Tunisia. Ancient writings offer evidence that an elitist Cro-Magnon Herald staff reporter filed reports accusing citizen Grog of possession of a rapid fire assault weapon, later to become known as a brick. Evidence suggests that Grog was known to carry two, and sometimes three bricks at a time – which many deemed excessive for sporting purposes.
During the middle ages, assault weapons became more sophisticated. Henry VIII was known to have, and frequently use, an assault divorce attorney.
Across the English Channel, Marie Antoinette was assaulted as a result of her secret possession of several pieces of assault cake.
Assault weapons continue to be heavily regulated. In most states, Rosie O’Donnell is classified as an assault weapon. Ownership generally requires the buyer to provide proof that they are legally deaf. This is a safety precaution that prevents Assault Rosie owners from going postal as a side effect of continuous exposure to re-runs of The View.
Many United States Marine Corps recruits view their drill instructors as assault weapons until, through the miracle of osmosis, they become assault weapons themselves. Many point to this phenomenon as proof of the redeeming societal value of assault weapons.
The primary differentiator between assault weapons and regular ole’ weapons is that assault weapons are automatic, meaning they are known to automatically commit crimes, scare politicians from California, New York, and Massachusetts, and start third world wars.
As assault weapons have spread throughout the world, they have evolved according to local environments. In the United States, most assault weapons are actually guns, with the exception of Assault Rosie of course. In the United Kingdom, assault weapons have taken the form of bread knives and cricket bats. Similarly, in France, most assault weapons are recognizable as three day old baguettes with a wheel of dried up brie, while Australia has battled proliferation of assault knives, assault swords, and most recently assault laser pointers.
More questions? Post them at MyGunCulture.com and we’ll do our best to answer.