Hornady Announces Really Really Hairy ‘Situation Critical’ Situation Ammo

Following a special encore screening of the classic action thriller film Escape from New York, Hornady President Snake Plissken introduced the company’s latest line of premium tactical ammunition – Really, Really, Hairy ‘Situation Critical’ Situation.

“Over the past couple of months we’ve introduced a couple of really innovative defense loads” noted Plissken. “The Critical Defense product is aimed squarely at the personal defense market. Well, not literally aimed as that would probably be illegal. At minimum it would be bad for business I think.”

Hornady’s Critical Defense is designed to provide for reliable expansion performance in a broad variety of situations. While traditional hollow points can become clogged with material and fibers from clothing, Critical Defense uses a custom FTX tipped bullet that won’t clog and expands reliably.

Close on the heels of the Critical Defense launch, the company introduced Critical Duty ammunition which offers enhanced barrier penetration characteristics without sacrifice of bullet expansion. “Once we had bullets that performed well through clothing and harder barriers, it was only natural to look at the worst case scenario and design for that,” commented Plissken. “And call me Snake.”

Plissken admits that inspiration for Horandy’s Really, Really Hairy ‘Situation Critical’ Situation ammunition came from a recent DIRECTV binge. “We had about a week straight of rainy days and I must have watched every single 1980’s vintage action movie at least twice. I can’t provide details now, so let’s just say that if you are ever threatened by exceptionally persistent liquid metal villains, we might have a solution for you soon.”

Hornady’s Vice President of Marketing, Don Draper, admits the target market segment is somewhat limited, but remains optimistic about the new product.

“Our primary target market consists of one-eyed former war heroes turned bad who are abandoned in violent maximum security prison cities of the future filled with bloodthirsty dregs of society intent on killing or at least maiming anyone who happens to cross their path. We are having a bit of a problem meeting our sales objectives, but we’re going to be trying some new social media advertising to find more folks who fit the ideal customer profile,” opined an ever-optimistic Draper. “We hear that Twitter might be a good place to start. Do you have any scotch?”

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