Life

Doe Decides Back Yard Is Appropriate Place To Give Birth

May 12, 2012 By Tom Leave a Comment

Filed under the ‘something you don’t see everyday’ category…

Our female Welsh Springer Spaniel has extra-sensory perception. She can spot a bird, squirrel, chinchilla, or any other furry living being from a distance of 42.7654887 light years, provided that sun spots are not acting up. Late this afternoon, she starts barking at the back yard fence – looking intently out into the swamp behind our home. Real estate agents refer to this as ‘scenic wetlands.’ Anyway, her brother, who is kind of a special needs puppy, remains clueless about the events, but starts barking anyway. Mainly because it’s fun.

Looking out into the scenic wetlands from our second level deck, we spot a doe lying on the ground looking our way. Seeing a deer in the yard is not at all unusual, but seeing one just laying there staring at us is. Then, into view comes a staggering, wobbly fawn – closely followed by another. Meanwhile the doe is continuing to tidy things up as they were born minutes prior.

So here’s something a little different for your enjoyment…

The baby walk

Filed Under: Life, Life, Videos Tagged With: animals, deer, fawns, wildlife

Hypocrisy and Hollywood d00dz

May 3, 2012 By Tom 1 Comment

Filed Under: Life, Life Tagged With: brady campaign, celebrities, facebook, gun control, hollywood, hypocrisy

Signs, Mom Counting to 3, and Caning by Celery at the NRA Annual Meeting

April 17, 2012 By Tom 1 Comment

“Oh, signs, signs, everywhere there’s signs

Blocking up the scenery, breaking my mind

Do this, don’t do that, can’t you read the sign?”

While the 5 Man Electrical Band was nowhere to be found, the city of St. Louis took the message to heart – and even hired James Earl Jones to make new audio signs in case people were too busy talking about guns to pay attention to the printed signs. Well, the James Earl Jones part is not entirely confirmed – yet. We’re working on that.

We lost count of the number of “NO CONCEALED WEAPONS” signs after 14,328. And that was just on the MetroLink train. Can’t read? Not to worry – the MetroLink stations broadcast an audio message loop, part of which reminds riders that no weapons are allowed at any time. And that gum chewing get’s you caned by unripe celery. That’s where James Earl Jones comes in.

Yeah, but what if you are texting, therefore not looking at signs, while listening to Justin Bieber and his Orchestra with your earbuds? Not to worry! The MetroLink folks thoughtfully placed a 2 foot by 4 foot sign at the top of station escalators so you run right smack into it – knees first. If you read the fine print, you’ll find that reconstructive knee surgery is not covered by the city. Bummer, that hurt.

Although it may seem silly to have all those signs, there’s a good reason. Your mother can’t always be around to threaten counting to three if you don’t stop whatever it is you’re doing. Hence the signs. Given that signs are not quite as intimidating as an angry mother, it usually takes 20 or 30 of them to make you feel guilty enough to stop. Thinking about carrying your concealed gun on the MetroLink regardless? Not after you pass the 23rd sign telling you not to.

Some people think that signs are a waste of time, because people no longer read anything except text messages and Kardashian Kapers Weekly. That and the fact that bad guys will ignore the signs anyway. While there is some truth to that, scientists have discovered that inherently bad people just require more signs. Most people who turn out bad do so because their mothers would allow their bad behavior to continue all the way to the count of 4 or even 5, hence the need for more signs in their adult years. Are you beginning to see the logic? By the time the good guys get to the MetroLink ticket machine, the signs have guilted them into melting their guns to make Shake Weights. Bad guys are more stubborn, but even the worst of them can’t make it to the train platform without tearfully donating their illegal guns to Jerry’s Kids.

Taking an example from the MetroLink’s sign program effectiveness, the Americas Center also prohibits weapons through the use of signs. While these rules seemed effective on the NRA Annual Meeting attendees, as there were hardly any mass shootings at the fresh lemonade stands, gun industry employees are clearly very, very bad people. Signs or no signs, they brought tens of thousands of their guns into the show. So signs only work most of the time, not all the time – hence the need for more aggressive tactics like window stickers.

Can you even imagine how high Gun Salesmen’s moms had to count?

Filed Under: Crime, Events, Life, Life, NRA Annual Meeting, Politics, Viewpoint Tagged With: anti-gun, Gun Laws, gun signs, nra, nra annual meeting, politics, silliness

K-Bar – The Official Steak Knife of My Gun Culture

April 17, 2012 By Tom Leave a Comment

Filed Under: Life, Life

Top 5 Ways To Teach A Successful Concealed Carry Class

March 26, 2012 By Tom 1 Comment

Having acquired concealed carry permits from two different states over the past so many years, and forgetting to renew a license in one of them, we’ve been subjected to three different state-mandated concealed carry classes. Actually, ‘sentenced’ is probably a more accurate descriptor than ‘subjected.’

State mandated classes are always high-quality because legislators have arbitrarily selected a number of hours that students must sit attentively in the classroom. Well at least sit. While continuing to breathe of course. Students in states like South Carolina, where certified politicians have determined that eight hours of classroom study is appropriate, get extra training benefits. Because with eight hours to kill, certified instructors get to come up with all sorts of interesting and informative things to talk about.

We’ve taken these classes at three different gun ranges, with three different instructors, over a period of 10 years. Fortunately, one of the classes, not coincidentally the shortest one, was somewhat professional and more educational than a slow motion play-by-play of the Jersey Shore’s last night of the summer at the Karma nightclub.

As for the other two? We would have learned a lot more by smearing the sticky sludge in the bottom of Snookie’s tenth Kamikaze glass all over our heads while hoping to learn by osmosis.

So we thought it prudent to offer some valuable advice to some of the more teaching-challenged concealed carry class instructors out there.

Here are our top five suggestions – all based on honest-to-God experiences in our classes:

1. Be sure to cover your classroom walls with posters of scantily clad women.

After all, nothing attracts more women and families to the shooting sports than lots of photos of half-naked women.

2. Brag about how you can beat anyone in the class in a gunfight.

The respect and admiration that your class has for you almost always increases when you tell them you could beat any of them in a gunfight, because you’ve been there before. You wouldn’t panic as the bullets flew your way and you would carefully aim and take them out. Because you’re a professional instructor. And fearless.

3. Tell about that wild and crazy time when you almost committed murder.

Give a detailed account of that time you came home from work and found your ex-wife in bed with your best friend. And how you got a gun and went to murder them. But be sure to close the story with an explanation of how you came to your senses at the very last minute. You wouldn’t want students in the class to get the wrong impression of right and wrong ways to use a gun in their day to day lives. Your students will learn much from your sense of judgment and restraint.

4. Share amusing anecdotes about your shooting skills.

Try telling the class about that time when you were a bit younger, and a lot drunker, when you had one of your friends shoot an apple off your head with a .22 rifle. Nothing sets a good example for new gun owners like real-life exhibition shooting case studies. How else are your students going to get good ideas of things to try with their new guns?

5. Offer to do toe-prints of the female students.

A great way to build rapport with new lady shooters during the fingerprint process is to give your very best partially toothless smile and offer to do a set of toe-prints for free. Because you have a foot fetish. This always makes the ladies feel right at home. Your referral business is sure to grow as they’ll be more than happy to tell their friends.

This has been a public service announcement to the Fudd Firearms Trainers of America. You don’t know who you are.

Filed Under: Concealed Carry, Life, Life, Shooting Tips Tagged With: certified politicians, concealed carry, Self-Defense, training

Mighty Mouse

March 6, 2012 By Tom Leave a Comment

Filed Under: Life, Life, Posters Tagged With: glock, posters

The Marquis Belt Buckle Gun – Shake Your Groove Thing!

January 31, 2012 By Tom Leave a Comment

“A man may die, nations may rise and fall, but an idea lives on.” – John F. Kennedy

Fortunately for us, some ideas do not live on. For example, the Marquis Nazi Belt Buckle Pistol invented during World War I and (nearly) fielded ‘en masse’ during World War II.

Through an exhaustive research project, with some logistical assistance from our friend Wendy Cunningham of the NRA National Firearms Museum, the My Gun Culture staff has learned just how close we came to a very different course of history – and new world order.

The Marquis Belt Buckle pistol, also known informally as the Power Pelvis Gun, was conceived by Louis Marquis while interned in a POW camp during World War I. Frustrated by long chow and loo lines, Marquis was consumed by a desire to exert his authority over other POW’s without drawing the attention of guards – hence the idea for a concealed weapon not requiring the use of hands or traditional holsters. Named the Koppelschlosspistole, the design was patented before the outbreak of World War II. The patent was issued in late 1934 for a “trommelrevolver” to be mounted on a belt. Both .22 (four barrel) and .32 (two barrel) versions were produced in very limited numbers.

The innovative weapon faced challenges from the start. In order to gain approval for broad scale deployment, Marquis had to prove that average soldiers could easily be trained to use the weapon effectively. As the pistol had no sights, and relied entirely on groovy pelvic gyration to aim, it was assumed that biological instincts would overcome any training obstacles. And of course, the natural male instinct to aim for the toilet.

Not so, according to WWII historian Basil Exposition. “Training soldiers to charge, while aiming with their pelvises, proved more difficult than anticipated” commented Exposition. “Not only was it nearly impossible to run while aiming one’s midsection, it really looked quite effeminate. The enemy was not at all intimidated.”

Recent tests have determined that accuracy and effectiveness are increased if Elvis Presley songs are played at loud volume. Unfortunately for the Germans, Presley was not available to train soldiers in proper hip-aiming techniques.

However, military training teams did adjust screening criteria for prospective belt buckle assault troops, although too late to impact the war effort.

“The Nazis were quite disappointed with early field trials” explained Exposition. “Until they elected to actively recruit accomplished Salsa dancers that is. Their natural sway and hip motion really helped cut training time. However, there were few Salsa dancers in Nazi Germany at the time, and the program was not considered scalable.”

The NRA National Museum continues to search for specimens from other top-secret wartime weapons programs. Stories of experimental crotch rockets, hula hoop grenade launchers, monocle lasers, and garter garrotes persist; although surviving specimens have yet to be found.

Filed Under: Life, Life Tagged With: Antiques, Odd, Past & Peculiar, Weird Weapons, World War II

Hornady’s Critical Defense Ammo: Will It Expand? You Suggest, We Test!

December 7, 2011 By Tom 3 Comments

Inspired by our recent review of Hornady’s Critical Defense ammunition in .357 Magnum, we’ve decided to kick things up a notch. We were pretty impressed with how this ammo expanded even after passing through hard barriers. So, with some help from the good folks at Hornady, we’re going to really put both Critical Defense and the new Critical Duty ammunition to the test.

Yup. We’re going to shoot stuff. A lot of it. With a lot of different guns. It’s a tough assignment, but someone has to do the dirty work.

We do things a little differently here, so we’re not going to stick to the basic denim in front of ballistic gelatin routine. That’s boring. And gelatin is a pain to make. We’re going to see how this ammo performs in a wide variety of, umm, real world scenarios. Real world in our slightly half-cocked view anyway.

So what do you think? Will it expand in cottage cheese? Kleenex? Old shag carpeting from the 70s? Fruitcake? Sand? Justin Bieber CD’s? A Shake-Weight?

Here’s how it works: