Our regularly scheduled editorial will not be seen today so we can bring you this special advertising supplement. The views expressed in this advertorial do not necessarily represent the opinions of Eric Holder, the US Attorney Generals Office, the Justice Department, The National Rifle Association, or Vladimir Putin.
Routine follow up on this weekend’s breaking news that ATF agents are being honored on United States currency indicated that the failed sting operation has become more mainstream…
In a bold move today, the Treasury Department announced plans to honor ATF Operation Fast and Furious ringleaders on new US currency. Promoted to Special Assistant to the Assistant Director of the agency’s Office of Management for his pivotal role in enabling the murder of at least one US Government agent and hundreds of Mexican civilians, Agent William Newell will be the first to be recognized – appearing on $100 bills later this fall.
“We felt it appropriate to launch this memorial program with the $100 bill as it is the currency of choice for drug kingpins,” commented Assistant US Treasury Secretary George Soros. “Most of the guns we let run into Mexico were in fact purchased with $100 bills so it just seemed kind of appropriate. Plus I like carrying a lot of hundreds around – it makes me feel more elite.”
The new move is not without controversy. “What do I have to do to get on the money?” complained notorious New York investment scam artist Bernie Madoff. “I mean I didn’t directly kill anyone, but my actions were much more closely tied to money and stuff like that. Sheesh!”
Many insiders agree that the move will help stifle further investigation of embattled ATF leadership figures. “We hope to associate these patriotic ATF agents with happy things people do with their money, like buying candy, cocaine, and beer” explained Attorney General Eric Holder. “That way, they will be far less supportive of ugly things like congressional inquiries and such.”
While dates are not firm, the Treasury plans to release new $20 and $50 bills featuring ATF agents William G. McMahon and David Voth early this winter.
Coming soon to an airport near you! No word yet as to whether passengers will have to cough.
As a side note, we regret to inform our readers that the entire editorial staff of My Gun Culture will be placed on the “no fly” list any moment now.
Reports of a shootout at the family compound of ThePioneerWoman.com have recently surfaced. Witnesses say that as many as 16 individuals, including a number of children, were involved. While it is known that no injuries resulted, there are reports of female on male taunting. Questions remain as to the cause of the shooting. Friends believe it was the result of some form of unusual social ritual.
The police were not dispatched.