Massachusetts Gun Microstamping
Inside sources have revealed a seditious agenda behind the recent push in Massachusetts to enforce microstamping on firearm cartridges.
Charlton Heston Steps Forward To Lead Fast and Furious Investigation
October 5, 2011 By Leave a Comment
The Late Charlton Heston to Lead Fast and Furious Investigation
Breaking News: The late Charlton Heston has stepped forward to volunteer to serve as Special Prosecutor in the explosive Fast and Furious scandal. Mr. Heston brushed off stunned observers who were quite surprised at the actor and former NRA President’s entry back into the political scene and even more shocked at his apparent resurrection.
“Heck, Zombies rise from the dead all the time. It’s not that big a deal really. And this is a darn tooting’ good reason if there ever was one,” observed the late Mr. Heston.
Mr. Heston elaborated on his decision and explained that he was pretty sure that Fast and Furious and the resulting cover-up broke most of The Ten Commandments and maybe more. “I got to be pretty knowledgeable about those rules during an old movie role years back you know.”
Asked for his reaction to the news, Attorney General Holder stated “I don’t know.” Pressed for additional detail, Holder admitted “That guy scares me. Especially now that he’s dead.”
Insiders indicate that Mr. Heston is committed to the project and will remain undead for as long as it takes to get to the bottom of the GunWalker scandal. According to Heston’s remains, “I may be dead, but I’m not about to stand for this! These guys are going to have to pry this job from my cold, dead hands! Oh, wait a minute, my hands are cold and dead. Whatever.”
Fast and Furious Special Prosecutor Search on Facebook
September 28, 2011 By 1 Comment
Apparently the interview process has started…
Fast and Furious Special Prosecutor Interviews Have Started!
Breaking News: ATF Head Ken Melson Signs ‘Dancing with the Stars’ Contract
August 30, 2011 By 1 Comment
ATF Interim Director Melson Showing Off Some Smooth Tap Dance Moves
According to breaking news reports from David Codrea at Gun Rights Examiner, ATF Interim Head Ken Melson’s office was vacated over the weekend amid rumors of Melson’s reassignment from his ATF role as a result of the recent Operation Fast and Furious scandal. Further investigation has revealed that Melson has signed a one year contract with popular reality TV show Dancing with the Stars.
“We’ve admired Interim Director Melson’s tap dancing skills for quite some time” admitted Dancing with the Stars Executive Producer Mikhail Baryshnikov. “He’s light on his feet and has proven his ability to stay focused while under intense pressure from national exposure.”
Interim Director Melson’s spokesperson declined comment on the move, but hinted off the record that dancing and singing sensation Julio Iglesias Jr. might be in line to take over the reigns of the floundering ATF bureau.
ATFs New Image – BATFE Changes Name & Logo
August 24, 2011 By Leave a Comment
BATFEs Rebranding Effort
In an apparent effort to address its faltering public image head on, the agency formerly known as the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (BATFE) is changing its name.
Constantly fighting public perception that the agency is hiding its true mission with ambiguous smoke and mirror tactics, BATFE is making a bold move to meet its critics directly. Under a new mandate by Attorney General Eric Holder, the agency will now be called Brazenly Arming Thousands of Foreign Evildoers, thereby keeping the familiar acronym BATFE in order to minimize confusion during the transition process.
The new logo, to be released later this week, was reportedly designed by the Los Angeles design firm of Sarandon, Fonda, and Penn. Prominently featured on the new logo are guns, drugs, and a silhouette of Mexico – features all designed to help portray the agency’s primary mission. An unnamed and recently promoted BATFE spokesperson asked that all further questions be addressed to the DC legal firm of Holder and Holder.
ATF Fast & Furious Agents to be Honored on US Currency
August 20, 2011 By Leave a Comment
New $100 bill honoring ATF Agent William Newell for his role in Operation Fast and Furious
In a bold move today, the Treasury Department announced plans to honor ATF Operation Fast and Furious ringleaders on new US currency. Promoted to Special Assistant to the Assistant Director of the agency’s Office of Management for his pivotal role in enabling the murder of at least one US Government agent and hundreds of Mexican civilians, Agent William Newell will be the first to be recognized – appearing on $100 bills later this fall.
“We felt it appropriate to launch this memorial program with the $100 bill as it is the currency of choice for drug kingpins,” commented Assistant US Treasury Secretary George Soros. “Most of the guns we let run into Mexico were in fact purchased with $100 bills so it just seemed kind of appropriate. Plus I like carrying a lot of hundreds around – it makes me feel more elite.”
The new move is not without controversy. “What do I have to do to get on the money?” complained notorious New York investment scam artist Bernie Madoff. “I mean I didn’t directly kill anyone, but my actions were much more closely tied to money and stuff like that. Sheesh!”
Many insiders agree that the move will help stifle further investigation of embattled ATF leadership figures. “We hope to associate these patriotic ATF agents with happy things people do with their money, like buying candy, cocaine, and beer” explained Attorney General Eric Holder. “That way, they will be far less supportive of ugly things like congressional inquiries and such.”
While dates are not firm, the Treasury plans to release new $20 and $50 bills featuring ATF agents William G. McMahon and David Voth early this winter.
Operation Fast and Furious – The Movie
August 4, 2011 By 6 Comments
Coming soon to a courtroom near you!
ATF Operation Fast and Furious - The Movie
Want the printed version of the poster?
The UN Small Arms Treaty Exposed on Facebook
August 2, 2011 By 3 Comments
Our tenacious reporters have recently uncovered the following conversation on Facebook. Finally, the truth revealed…
The UN Small Arms Treaty - The Real Truth
TSA Checkpoint! Please leave personal items in the down and locked position
July 26, 2011 By Leave a Comment
TSA Checkpoint Signage: Truth in Advertising
This one speaks for itself I think. No commentary necessary…
Want the t-shirt?
In honor of Rat Catcher Day…
July 24, 2011 By Leave a Comment
Happy Rat Catcher Day!
Dang it. We missed National Rat Catcher Day. Again.
Although 2 days late, we’re still going to re-post our favorite rat catching stories in honor of the event.
The Importance of Proper Uniform
Is Waterboarding Rodents Moral?
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