In a unique approach designed to reduce federal government expenditures, the Capitol Police and Smithsonian National Museum of American History have combined portions of their capital expenditure budgets. The moves are in response to increased pressure from the administration to find deficit reduction opportunities.
“We’ve pretty much been given an edict to save at least $43 on our 2012 budget” lamented Capitol Police Chief Administrative Officer Barney Fife. “We’re taking the country’s deficit reduction program pretty seriously. Of course, salaries and benefits won’t be impacted. Or business lunches and dinners. Or office redecoration programs.”
Fife further outlined the controversial plan in a press conference at the swanky Greenbrier Resort outside of Washington, D.C. “I was having a business dinner with my buddy Francois Toulour over at the Smithsonian and he was griping about not having enough money for new exhibits. And I was telling him that we’ve been struggling to get a new Dillon Aero M134D gatling gun for the Capitol roof. These Tea Party protests might get out of hand you know. Anyway, then an idea came to me – let’s share one!”
While the Smithsonian was not actively seeking a modern, six-barreled, electrically powered, 3,000 round a minute machine gun, they were in the market for an example of early automatic weapon technology. The two departments quickly settled on a compromise purchase – a U.S. Armament 1877 Bulldog Gatling Gun. Under the joint plan, the Capitol Police will maintain possession of the gun Monday through Fridays from 7am until 6pm. It will then be transferred to the Smithsonian for display evenings and weekends. In the event of Glenn Beck rallies or other high-threat conditions, the Capitol Police will maintain possession of the weapon indefinitely.
Fife hopes to negotiate similar arrangements for short-range Coehorn Mortars soon.