I have the utmost respect for you guys girls over at The WON – Women’s Outdoor News.
- You can stare a bull elk into submission, field dress it and make Elk Sweetbreads for 14.
- You’re expert with all sorts of weaponry, and are willing to practice on your own offspring if need be.
- You have a great sense of juvenile humor and occasionally do guy-like things such as placing turkey decoy’s in, let’s just say, compromising positions.
All in all, you are confident, capable, resourceful, tactical, camo-sporting women. The marryin’ type for sure.
That said, I need to offer some friendly advice for the upcoming Fathers Day celebration. This is a really, really big deal for us guys. While you may think you have good ideas for gifts, you are still women girls and may not have the proper understanding of what us guys really value.
So let’s find out if you are really qualified to choose the all-important Fathers Day gifts. Take a quick pop-quiz to gauge your relative understanding of the under-developed male psyche. Oh, and thanks in advance for your willing cooperation with this process. After all, the goal of finding those perfect Fathers Day gifts is paramount here; a little humility on your part to ensure quality of the process is much appreciated.
True or False? While hunting with your best friend, you notice that a rabid squirrel has lunged at your buddy and firmly clamped its jaws onto his, umm, private man parts. You find this hysterical and, instead of dialing 911, get out your camera phone.
True or False? The Blues Brothers is the greatest movie ever made.
Circle all correct choices: Valentines Day is…
A. One of those times you are firmly encouraged to sleep on the couch, but you don’t know why.
B. A major cause of stress and anxiety in your life. What is a Hallmark store?
C. A great excuse for the little lady to buy you a new shotgun.
D. Beers out with the boys.
If you aced this test, we’ll drop the issue. But we all know you didn’t, so we’re making an offer to help you with the gift selection process. Are you really qualified to buy us WOW! Father’s Day gifts? Do YOU really think YOU know what’s best for US?
EDITORS NOTE: Guys, feel free to add your appropriate dude-driven Fathers Day gift ideas to the comments below. We will be GIVING AWAY A BIG-TIME, GUY-APPROPRIATE FATHERS DAY GIFT to someone who comments below!
Let’s see.
1) True, so true.
2) Also true
3) This question seems to be for the men, not the women. Women NEVER sleep on the couch. And we certainly know what a Hallmark store is.
I will also share these Men’s Rules for Women that I recently saw on Facebook. They are great and also very true. And look, the last one talks about that couch again.
Men’s Rules
Women should learn these.
Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present again!
Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Don’t cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you’re stuck with her.
Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
We don’t remember dates. . . .Period!!
Most guys own three pairs of shoes – tops. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We’ve been tricked before!!
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it’s genetic.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing”, we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it’s Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn’t really matter what they’re saying anyway.)
BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it’s like camping.
Please see my answers below.
True or False? While hunting with your best friend, you notice that a rabid squirrel has lunged at your buddy and firmly clamped its jaws onto his, umm, private man parts. You find this hysterical and, instead of dialing 911, get out your camera phone.
***False- We all know this would never happen if you were with a woman because we would have shot said squirrel before it even got into the general vicinity of your “man parts”. It’s a proven fact that women are better shots than men.
True or False? The Blues Brothers is the greatest movie ever made.
***False- Having nothing to do with hunting or shooting, The Blues Brothers is not the greatest movie ever made. Hands down, Ghost In The Darkness is the best movie EVER. Val Kilmer, double rifles, lions ripping your flesh from your bones. Mmmmmm.
Circle all correct choices: Valentines Day is…
A. One of those times you are firmly encouraged to sleep on the couch, but you don’t know why.
B. A major cause of stress and anxiety in your life. What is a Hallmark store?
C. A great excuse for the little lady to buy you a new shotgun.
D. Beers out with the boys.
***None of the above- Valentines Day is a great excuse for YOU to buy your lady a gun. And some beer, while you’re at it.
GIRLS RULE AND BOYS DROOL!!!!!! TeamWON forever!
Love!
I ACED IT!!!! WOOOHOO!!! 😀
In no particular order… A hog! Ammo!Buddies! Beer! A big horn sheep tag! On the list a boat, a shop, maybe next year? 😉
[…] you have to do to win this system is leave a comment here, or on our “Open Letter to the Women’s Outdoor News” story with ideas for Fathers Day. We’ll use Random.org technology to select a lucky […]
I always buy my husband guns for Father’s day. You can never go wrong with that gift idea. The beauty of it is that you don’t have to put any thought what-so-ever into it. Any gun will do when it is a present for a man. And if it ends up being a gun they look at with the “what the hell am I going to do with that thing” look, you can always say “it’s an exotic honey… for your collection”, (they don’t know any better).
Oh, and I totally agree with gun cleaning being a man’s job. I go out and shoot like crazy and then hand the guns off to my husband. Sometimes I see just how dirty I can get them so I can check his work and point out all the places he missed. So he really could use that kit. But then again, why would I want to make it easier on him (after all he is the lucky one that can pee standing up without taking off his camo)?
Whatever the chicks say. I’ve been around this thing way too long to think I can win the argument anyway. Yep, another way of saying, “this ain’t my first rodeo”.
But for what it’s worth, this one’s a keeper…”If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one”.
That’s my story, and I’m stickin’ to it.
Jeff
way to much for this time of the day
Let me ask my wife how to answer these questions… she won’t give me permission… sorry.
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[…] response to your “Open Letter to Women’s Outdoor News” regarding Father’s Day gifts and our abilities to pick ‘em. Nice try. Some of us also […]