A Government Shutdown Pop Quiz

Today’s pop quiz is a little complicated. It’s a combination of reading comprehension and true / false answers. Ready?

Government shutdown shooting range

OK, now they’ve done it. I’m really mad.

Reading Comprehension

Dick and Jane like to go shooting at a public range in the ‘Murrican National Forest. This range is completely unattended. It’s open 7 days a week from sunrise to sunset and there are no employees of any kind at the facility. It’s a nice facility and Dick and Jane have fun shooting and meeting other people who like to shoot. Today, Dick brought 3 boxes of American Eagle .223 Remington Ammunition. Jane brought 3 boxes of 300 AAC Blackout ammunition. One was 110 grain, one was 135 grain and the last was 220 grain subsonic loads. When Dick and Jane arrived at the shooting range, they found a padlocked gate with a sign saying that Bert and Ernie couldn’t seem to agree on a budget, so due to lack of Federal funding, the range was closed until further notice.

Questions – Circle the correct true / false answer:

1. (True / False) Since the range is unattended, no one actually reports to work there.

2. (True / False) Since the range is unattended, some Federal employee had to violate the government shutdown order to go lock the gate to the shooting range and place signs saying that the range was closed, even though no one works there.

3. (True / False) Federal government decision-making mimics the thought processes of cement.

4. (True / False) Dick and Jane’s conspiracy theorist friend, Vladimir, is convinced that a call was placed from the White House to the folks who look after the ‘Murrican Forest Shooting Range telling them to shut the range down just to poke gun owners in the eye.

5. (True / False) The United States Senate is full of complete idiots who are an obscene embarrassment to the American way of life.

6. (True / False) Dick and Jane left the range with 6 total boxes of ammunition.

7. (True / False) Harry Reid looks an awfully lot like the fairy in Dick and Jane’s reading books.

Answer Key

1. True.

2. True.

3. False. Cement is demonstrably more intelligent.

4. False. No call was placed. Air Force 1 was dispatched late last night so the matter could be handled personally.

5. True.

6. False. Dick and Jane snuck in anyway. And collected a pile of sweet, like new, once-fired .30-06 brass to boot.

7. False. Harry Reid resembles a Garden Gnome suffering from advanced stage Mad Cow disease.



  1. G. Edwards says

    I’m not a Democrat, but isn’t it the Gang Of Poopooheads in the House that are causing the shutdown?

    • says

      I guess I see it differently. President Stompy Feet can issue an (illegal?) Executive Order delaying the employer mandate of Obamacare by a year, but when House Republicans want to delay the individual mandate for a year, the response is “Shut up! It’s the law!” I also see the house submitting dozens of spending bills to the Senate and President, neither of which will acknowledge them, come to the table to talk, etc etc. So I see the blame on the President and Senate leadership for this mess as they have no interest in conflict resolution at all. And to top it off, it was direct orders from the White House that created kindergarten tactics of creating barriers around open air memorials like the WWII vets park – just to inflict artificial pain re: the shutdown. You ought to look up that story, it’s absolutely shocking…

    • Loren says

      Really? With all due respect for you age, may I please remind you that you can’t fix stupid. We are Americans. That means something to me. And as a Marine, I take it as an insult that I served this nation to live to endure this travesty of a government. Obama makes the office of the president of the united states of America an embarrassment to the people of this great country. As for me, I will stand with my ancestors and not allow their legacy to be defamed and insulted by these criminal impostors. Americans will raise to face this evil. Long live the united states of America.

  2. Loren says

    Oh come on. This isn’t fair. You all know that the President is doing all he can to bring this country together. Remember America that Obama is black, sorta, and because of that fact alone you are all racists. I feel grateful that the chickens have come home to roost. We need to all put aside our petty values like freedom, liberty, the constitution and come together to embrace hope and change. Two intangible values that have nothing to do with what Americans want and everything to do with what is best for this nation……. and China…. and Russia…. and Iran…Any who, Just remember we are all in this together and before you know it we’ll all be poor and homeless. What a great country we live in. God bless America.

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