A Call For More Common Sense Gun Laws!

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Common Sense Laws

We agree with The Brady Campaign and The Coalition To Stop Gun Violence on one thing. We need more common sense gun laws.

Here are a few good examples…

In Nevada, it’s apparently still legal, more or less, to hang someone for shooting your dog. As long as they shoot your dog on your property.

In Pennsylvania, if you’ve participated in a duel, you’re no longer eligible to become Governor. Personally, we think this one ought to be amended just a tad. If you’ve lost a duel, then you’re no longer eligible to become Governor.

In Texas, if you are going to commit a crime, you legally have to give 24 hours notice to the police. This one makes a lot of sense to us. As Clint Smith says, the only reason to use a pistol for self defense is to fight your way to a rifle. With advance notice of crimes, you can have your rifle ready to go. Very convenient, this law of theirs.

Also in Texas, it is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel. First and third story buffalo sniping is fine as far as we can tell.

In the Peoples Republik of Kalifornia, it’s a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. This law requires further clarification as we’re not sure if beach whales are included or not.

If you’re a churchgoer in Maine, you’re required by law to bring your shotgun to church in case of attack by Native American Casino Owners. Five-card poker on Saturday night, church on Sunday morning.

While we’re generally in favor of as much liberty as possible when it comes to the Second Amendment, the common sense law in Chico, California probably ought to go national in scope. If you detonate a nuclear device within the city limits, you’ll be liable for a $500 fine.

In Kentucky, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon more than six-feet long. We always make it a point to leave our German Pak 38 at home when driving through the horse-race state – even though we’ve got some really sweet CrossBreed IWB holsters for it.

In Kansas It’s illegal to throw knives at men wearing striped suits. We’re not sure if you can shoot them with Thompson’s though.

In Louisiana, biting someone with your natural teeth constitutes simple assault, but biting someone with your false teeth classifies as aggravated assault. Ok, so that’s not a gun law per se, but once you start biting people with false teeth, the very next step is gun violence.

Rabbits may not be shot from motorboats in the state of Kansas. We’re confused on this one as we haven’t had much success shooting anything from a motor boat. Generally guns work better for shooting things.

If someone is moose hunting in Alaska, it’s illegal to whisper in their ear. While we’re still verifying this, we think it is legal to yell Wango Tango at the top of your lungs.

And last but not least, we offer the climactic conclusion to this article.. In Connersville, Wisconsin, during sexual intercourse, it is against the law for a man to fire his gun whilst the woman is having an orgasm. This might give new meaning to the word bang.

As regulations change frequently, be sure to check local ordnances before engaging in any of these activities.


  1. David Brouillet says

    So you think that our gun laws should be like england. person defending his house goes to jail for life and home invaders get a year or two. england where auto theft is a “joyride” and a juvie auto thief can steal 60 cars before his 18th birthday and still get out to steal another car. where self defence has been outlawed and London’s crime rate is several times that of NY city. majority burgalies are home invasions and majority of auto thefts are car jackings. when it is harder to hotwire a car and homes have burgler alarms, but no weapons, The easiest thing to do is go in and take it, especially when the Govt will prosecute those who dare to excercise their god given right of self defense.

    despite the 30 second soundbites on the news, and high profile shootings, FBI crime statistics says crime in the US has come down in the past decade while crime in Europe is on the rise. late 90s – when most states in the US started to allow concealed carry and stopped allowing juveniles to get away with murder is when crime leveled off and started coming down. Almost all shootings occur where no weapons are allowed.

    United States is far from perfect and our leaders are damn right corrupt, but one of the very few things the U.S. is doing right is its criminal justice system and the right of self defence.

  2. notDilbert says

    I’ve tried to shoot a rabbit from my boat, but they keep crawling out of the cannon muzzel before I can get the wadding tamped down.

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