A Brief History of Ammunition

Much is written by  important gun writers about modern day ammunition. Many lengthy diatribes discuss whether a single .45 ACP projectile, launched from a 1911 designed by John Moses Browning (God rest his soul), can really cause an earthquake in Dubuque, Iowa. However, we’ve noticed that no one has taken the time, or made the effort, to provide an abbreviated history of ammunition. Until now. After all, it’s not just an adventure, it’s our job.

Hornady Critical Defense ammo test shooting yogurt

Throughout history, ammunition has been used for many important things. Such as the destruction of butt modulating yogurt.

14,320 B.C.    Former talk show host Rosie O’Donnell flings poo at an equally abrasive primate. The offended, and now fetid, anthropoid flings monkey poo back at her. This is the first known conflict to make use of airborne projectiles. Mayor Bloomberg responds by banning monkey poo in New York City.

8900 B.C.    Citizen Grmphhft accumulates numerous .942 to .987 caliber rocks for purposes of ‘chunking’ at the neighbors when hunting parties get a little too rambunctious. Unfortunately, shortly after creating the first ‘ammunition stockpile’ he is arrested for possession of assault rocks. Nearby cave dwellers question the need for such stockpiles of ammunition.

1815    The word ammunition is coined from the French word la munition, which translates approximately to “war material vigorously thrown to the ground during surrender.”

1861 − 1865    Many, many guys with different types of red, white, and blue flags shoot large hunks of lead at each other. While much of this material is manufactured from melted down fishin’ weights, it’s still classified as ammunition.

1896    While not the first user of a hollow point bullet design, many recognize Lieutenant-Colonel Neville Sneyd Bertie-Clay of the British Royal Artillery as the inventor of the expanding bullet for use in combat. Invented at the Dum Dum Arsenal near Calcutta, the soft point .303 rifle bullet was designed to increase stopping power against charging enemy. It worked as numerous enemy developed allergic reactions to being shot.

1914    British pilot, Sir Basil Exposition, hurls a brick at a German observation plane, marking the first use of large caliber ammunition. Bricks are immediately outlawed in New York City, along with Twizzlers.

1936    The Third Reich amasses the world’s largest stockpile of la munition by threatening to invade France. Previously unemployed German recycling truck drivers scamper around the French countryside picking up surrendered ‘les munitions.

1960    Vernon Speer creates a new line of ammunition for the police community branded Speer Lawman. Chuck Norris give complimentary reviews of the product, but later politely reminds Speer that he does not need ammunition.

New York Times at the shooting range

Esteemed publications like The New York Times have even participated in the development and testing of ammunition.

1967    Famed British spy, James Bond, annihilates the Russian army using .32 ACP ammunition and a Walther PPK. In a show of one-upmanship, famed American spy Jason Bourne elects to save the free world with several 9mm cartridges.

1982    Tired of the family pipering business, Peter Pi founds CorBon Ammunition. Industry pundits speculate that CorBon attains extra-high velocities through judicious use of nuclear fission technology.

1992    Winchester releases the Black Talon hollow point bullet. This revolutionary design features a special reverse tapered jacket and cuts that encourage the projectile to expand outward via six razor sharp petals. Winchester discontinues the line when a stray round destroys the city of Cleveland.

2009    Winchester releases the PDX1 line of personal defense ammunition. Evolved from the Black Talon and Ranger SXT lines, it so far has not destroyed any major cities, but does a wonderful job on watermelons.

2009    Luckygunner.com Ammunition is founded when the company sells 9mm Federal American Eagle Ammunition via GunBroker.com for a profit. eBay.com shares fall 12% when investors realize the company has elected not to participate in the lucrative ammunition market.

2011    Winchester Ammunition elects to move manufacturing from Illinois to Mississippi to reduce spelling errors. Company officials believe that the ‘em-eye-ess-ess-eye-ess-ess-eye-pee-pee-eye’ song will help staff avoid embarrassing spelling errors with the corporate address.

2011    Holy Smokes! Some ammunition is now made out of dead people!

2011    Federal Ammunition releases it’s Guard Dog line of “Expanding Full Metal Jacket” personal defense ammunition. It’s no chihuahua.

2011    Hornady Critical Defense premium self-defense ammunition is released.

2012    Hornady announces Really, Really, Really Critical Situation Critical Defense ammunition for super-duper critical situations.

2012    In a display of bold investigative journalism, the New York Times agrees to go to a shooting range to participate in an ammunition testing session.

2012    Exhaustive tests find that Hornady Critical Defense and Critical Duty ammunition are effective means to improve intestinal regularity. Activia spokesperson Jamie Lee Curtis is not pleased at the senseless destruction of many containers of butt modulating yogurt.

Well there you have it. While we may have missed one or two details along the way, you now know know the real story behind the development of modern ammunition.

Comments

  1. Adam Broussard says:

    Oh dear lord. This has made my day, sir.

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