According to breaking news reports from David Codrea at Gun Rights Examiner, ATF Interim Head Ken Melson’s office was vacated over the weekend amid rumors of Melson’s reassignment from his ATF role as a result of the recent Operation Fast and Furious scandal. Further investigation has revealed that Melson has signed a one year contract with popular reality TV show Dancing with the Stars.
“We’ve admired Interim Director Melson’s tap dancing skills for quite some time” admitted Dancing with the Stars Executive Producer Mikhail Baryshnikov. “He’s light on his feet and has proven his ability to stay focused while under intense pressure from national exposure.”
Interim Director Melson’s spokesperson declined comment on the move, but hinted off the record that dancing and singing sensation Julio Iglesias Jr. might be in line to take over the reigns of the floundering ATF bureau.
In an apparent effort to address its faltering public image head on, the agency formerly known as the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (BATFE) is changing its name.
Constantly fighting public perception that the agency is hiding its true mission with ambiguous smoke and mirror tactics, BATFE is making a bold move to meet its critics directly. Under a new mandate by Attorney General Eric Holder, the agency will now be called Brazenly Arming Thousands of Foreign Evildoers, thereby keeping the familiar acronym BATFE in order to minimize confusion during the transition process.
The new logo, to be released later this week, was reportedly designed by the Los Angeles design firm of Sarandon, Fonda, and Penn. Prominently featured on the new logo are guns, drugs, and a silhouette of Mexico – features all designed to help portray the agency’s primary mission. An unnamed and recently promoted BATFE spokesperson asked that all further questions be addressed to the DC legal firm of Holder and Holder.
Our regularly scheduled editorial will not be seen today so we can bring you this special advertising supplement. The views expressed in this advertorial do not necessarily represent the opinions of Eric Holder, the US Attorney Generals Office, the Justice Department, The National Rifle Association, or Vladimir Putin.
Routine follow up on this weekend’s breaking news that ATF agents are being honored on United States currency indicated that the failed sting operation has become more mainstream…
In a bold move today, the Treasury Department announced plans to honor ATF Operation Fast and Furious ringleaders on new US currency. Promoted to Special Assistant to the Assistant Director of the agency’s Office of Management for his pivotal role in enabling the murder of at least one US Government agent and hundreds of Mexican civilians, Agent William Newell will be the first to be recognized – appearing on $100 bills later this fall.
“We felt it appropriate to launch this memorial program with the $100 bill as it is the currency of choice for drug kingpins,” commented Assistant US Treasury Secretary George Soros. “Most of the guns we let run into Mexico were in fact purchased with $100 bills so it just seemed kind of appropriate. Plus I like carrying a lot of hundreds around – it makes me feel more elite.”
The new move is not without controversy. “What do I have to do to get on the money?” complained notorious New York investment scam artist Bernie Madoff. “I mean I didn’t directly kill anyone, but my actions were much more closely tied to money and stuff like that. Sheesh!”
Many insiders agree that the move will help stifle further investigation of embattled ATF leadership figures. “We hope to associate these patriotic ATF agents with happy things people do with their money, like buying candy, cocaine, and beer” explained Attorney General Eric Holder. “That way, they will be far less supportive of ugly things like congressional inquiries and such.”
While dates are not firm, the Treasury plans to release new $20 and $50 bills featuring ATF agents William G. McMahon and David Voth early this winter.
Ever-vigilant in our efforts to bring you the latest shooting industry scoop, we recently crashed the POMA Annual Conference in Ogden, UT. In addition to learning that POMA is a front for a top-secret Zombie Apocalypse Preparation Society, we met some interesting folks with new ideas.
One of those was Gil Horman, frequent contributor to AmericanRifleman.org. In his spare time, Gil has designed and built a new standard testing methodology for the slew of .410 handguns and ammunition now entering the market such as the Taurus Judge, Smith & Wesson Governor, Magnum Research BFR and Bond Arms Snake Slayer. This new performance measurement philosophy is highlighted on a new site, 410Handguns.com.
As long as we can remember, standard testing protocols for standard handguns have been widely
abused used. Set up targets at 25 yards, shoot at them from a free-handed hold position, report two or three inch groups, and not-so-subtly hint to the world what a great shooter you are while claiming to have ascertained the mechanical accuracy of the gun in question. Right.
But we digress. Whether or not the standard handgun testing protocols are horse-hockey or not, there is no real standard of any value for objectively measuring .410 handguns with various loads. Enter 410Handguns.com.
According to Horman, the idea is to establish meaningful measurements for different types of loads – bird shot and buck shot pellets – while documenting performance at varying real-world combat distances. The FIST Test Protocol establishes both percentage of strike and group size standards depending on the load type.
410Handguns.com does not only propose standardized testing methodology, it puts it to work. Having tested hundreds of gun / load combinations, 410Handguns.com presents tabular results that allow site users to see how various loads perform in their handgun, or vice-versa. Handy stuff.
Pressed to share in about future enhancements to the site, Horman was reluctant to offer details. However, we’ve learned that work is already under way on development of Huge@ssHandguns.com where the Charter Arms El Presidente Model will be tested with a variety of high explosive, incendiary, and armor penetrating loads. Horman refused to confirm or deny speculation that the site would launch at SHOT 2012 Media Day. Calls to the Las Vegas High-Explosive Zoning Commission have not been returned.
Horman was able to confirm some details of 410Handguns.com short term plans. Next on the testing agenda is .410 Rubber Buckshot. 410handGuns.com will be validating the relative effectiveness of the classic ”I’m rubber, you’re glue. Whatever you shoot bounces off me and sticks to you” defense. Results should be published shortly after infinity plus one.