Groupon for Gunnies! GearHog.com!

GearHog.com Deal of the Day

GearHog.com Deal of the Day

We love to see gun and shooting businesses and ideas go mainstream. Here’s a cool one we just heard about yesterday:

GearHog.com

Here’s how it works:

  1. Sign up for free (provide your email address)
  2. Get a new gear deal emailed to you each day
  3. Buy it if you want
  4. If you forward the deal to a friend, and they buy, you get $5 in GearHog bucks for your next purchase.

The first deal we saw was getting $25 in Brownells accessories for $12.50. Nice! Been wanting that aftermarket grip for our DPMS AR…

Smoking Kills

Don't be like Hamley. Smoking Kills.

Don't be like Hamley. Smoking Kills.

Bring Home The Bacon, It’s Flitch Day!

Hamley Presiding Over Flitch Day Ceremonies

Hamley Presiding Over Flitch Day Ceremonies

Gunnies, gun nuts, gun freaks, and other others must take marital fidelity seriously.

We know this because gun people love bacon. Mmmmm. Bacon. Back to the story.

So what is it that defines the strong correlation between love of bacon and love of spouse? We don’t know. What we DO know is that this bond has been recognized since at least the 15th century, and maybe earlier, perhaps as early as the year 1104.

Enter the flitch. While it sounds like a Quiddich accessory from Harry Potter, a flitch is more or less equivalent to a side of bacon. Again, mmmmm.

As the story goes, monks of years past offered bacon bribes to married couples who could prove to a jury of bachelors and bachelorettes that they had remained committed to their marriage – pure of thought and deed – for the preceding year.

As part of their testimony to the jury of cold shower professionals, couples would recite the following oath:

We do swear by custom of confession

That we ne’re made nuptial transgression

Nor since we were married man and wife

By household brawl or contentious strife,

Or otherwise at bed or board,

Offended each other in deed or word;

Or since the parish clerk said amen,

Wished ourselves unmarried again;

Or in a twelvemonth and a day

Repented in thought in any way,

But continue true and in desire

As when we joined in holy quire.

The presiding monk would reply as follows:

Since to these conditions,

without any fear,

Of your own accord you do freely swear,

A whole flitch of bacon you shall receive,

And bear it hence with love and good leave;

For this is our custom at Dunmow well known

Though the pleasure be ours,

the bacon’s your own.

The moral of the story? As long as you are sincere about makin’ bacon with your own, you’ll continue to bring it home too.

More zombie humor…

Does the 5 second rule apply to zombies?

The Gentleman Zombie…

Does chivalry apply to zombies?

The Guns of Harry Potter

The Weapons of Harry Potter

The Weapons of Harry Potter

Apparently the last wizards-are-for-kids movie, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2, is coming out this Friday. Seems like a great time to reminisce about the first six and a half movies and their rich history of gun use. Here’s the lightning round of plot summaries to catch you up:

Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone: Young Harry finds out that his parents were killed by some evil wizard without a nose – mainly because they weren’t carrying guns at the time. You would be irritable too if you didn’t have a nose. Harry survived the attack, most likely because he was in a school zone, and guns aren’t allowed there. Harry learns magic and kills Quirinus Quirrell, an evil professor at his school. Technically speaking, he did not use a gun. However, the pile of ashes left behind hints at possible flamethrower use.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: Harry meets some elf that’s more annoying than a joint Rep. Anthony Weiner and Rep. Alan Grayson family reunion. Some old book turns into a dead guy who has a huge pet snake in the basement. While he could have easily used a Ruger Super Redhawk Alaskan revolver in .454 Casull, Harry kills the really big snake with a sword. Mucho macho.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban: There’s a lot of dementia at Hogwarts with all those Dementor ghosts flying around french kissing folks. Harry learns how to scare them away by farting out a vaporous make-believe stag. He and his friends go back in time to prevent a big rat pigeon from becoming a holiday meal. Some guy who turns into a rat gets sent to the Dementors because Harry won’t let the werewolf and his escaped con godfather shoot him with a mouse gun.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire: We originally thought this one was about the Gobs of Gunfire, but were mistaken. It’s just a goblet of fire. Death Eaters are everywhere although we’re not exactly sure how they eat death. The school has a big sporting contest where they try to kill the participating students in grisly ways. The irritable wizard without a nose shoots and kills Cedric, a student, with some unknown kind of gun that looks like a magic wand. A Beretta Neos perhaps? Or maybe it was a Ljutic Space Gun.

Ljutic Space Gun Wand (img: nramuseum.com)

Ljutic Space Gun Wand (img: nramuseum.com)

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: The mainstream media, in this case The Daily Prophet, continues to be a pain in the @ss by picking on Harry. A new professor from the Ministry of Magic shows up. She’s really mean spirited. None of the students are Hot for Teacher. In protest, the Weasley twins launch an artillery barrage inside the school. How this happens is unclear as most schools are an artillery-free zone. A scary looking witch that looks like Rosie O’Donnell kills Harry’s godfather with the mysterious gun that resembles a magic wand.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: Building in their previous experience, the Weasley twins open a Magic Artillery and Novelties shop in Diagon Alley. Apparently their FFL has been delayed. The ill-tempered wizard without a nose divides his own soul among seven horcruxes, thereby making himself a Ginger. Draco Malfoy attempts to kill Dumbledore but fails as guns aren’t allowed in schools. Professor Snape does kill Dumbledore as criminals don’t pay attention to gun free zones like schools.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1: Harry, Ron, and Hermione play hooky from school and go on vacation to find some horcruxes. Ron thinks Harry is making the moves on Hermione and runs away instead of capping Harry’s @ss with a wand-gun. Harry jumps in a frozen pond to get a sword and cool down his Hermione-inspired turbocharged hormones. Harry and Draco have a duel. They must have used AirSoft wand-guns as Draco doesn’t die. That disturbing and annoying elf is killed however – apparently by a Ljutic Space Wand Gun. Or something. The irritable noseless wizard grave-robs Dumbledore’s Ljutic Space Wand Gun.

Moral of the story? Guns don’t kill people. Wands kill people.

Guns don’t kill people. Wands kill people.

Guns don't kill people. Wands kill people.

Guns don't kill people. Wands kill people.

 

ATF Subjects Itself To New Reporting Regulations

Official BATFE Gun Crossing Zone

Official BATFE Gun Crossing Zone

In a move to divert public and media scrutiny from itself, to itself, the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms announced new reporting restrictions today.

The new regulations will require ATF bureaucrats in four border states, California, Arizona, New Mexico, and Texas, to file new reports with themselves each time they illegally send more than 2 high-powered, semi-automatic rifles across the border within a 5 day period.

“This just stinks,” complained Special Agent In Charge, Phoenix Field Office Michael Bloomberg. “Do you have any idea how much this new measure will slow down my efforts?”

Mayor Bloomberg, New York City

Michael Bloomberg (Photo nydailynews.com)

The move is expected to create tens of thousands of new reports yearly. Some question the ATF’s ability to handle the deluge of new paperwork. “Just great,” continued Bloomberg. “So now I ship some guns, then fill out yet another form, then file it in my own inbox. To make matters worse, I have to then process it and put it in my outbox. How crazy is that?

Asked about his opinion on the new ATF self-reporting regulations, Attorney General Eric Holder commented “I frankly don’t know.”

 

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These Are A Few of My Favorite Things…

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things

Gun Crossing…

Official BATFE Gun Crossing Zone

Official BATFE Gun Crossing Zone

Heads up folks…

As part of a new shovel-ready stimulus program, displaced ACORN employees have been hired en masse to place high-visibility signage along designated Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms gun crossing zones.

This has been a public service announcement from the staff of My Gun Culture.

 

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