Winchester Ammunition Moves To Mississippi To Cut Spelling Errors

Winchester AmmunitionAccording to the NRA’s American Rifleman blog, Winchester’s Illinois based ammunition division is relocating its plant facility to Mississippi. The announcement follows a recent trend of firearms companies moving south to warmer climes. Earlier this year, gun makers Para USA and Remington completed moves from Canada and New York to North Carolina.

Ben Cartwright - Bonanza

CEO Ben Cartwright

While many believe the announced move is a response to stalled union negotiations with the International Association of Machinists and Aerospace Workers District 9 group, Winchester Ammunition General Manager Ben Cartwright offers a different explanation. “We’ve had trouble for years with people trying to spell the ‘ammunition’ part of Winchester Ammunition.  Seems like half the people want to use one ‘m’ and the other half want to use two ‘m’s.’ We’re just sick of it. Then one day, I the solution just came to me. Remember the elementary school thing about spelling Mississippi?  You know, em-eye-ess-ess-eye-ess-ess-eye-pee-pee-eye? Dang, if people in Mississippi can spell that, then they sure as heck can spell ‘ammunition’ properly. So that’s where we ought to be. Where people can spell our dang name. Dangit.”

Industry insiders are skeptical about the justification for the move. “I can see relocating the whole freakin’ factory if its a cost issue” said Harry Callahan, industry research analyst. “Or maybe if they just feel lucky today. I can even understand that. But for the Mississippi song? Really?”

Winchesters Vice President of Marketing, Don Draper, countered “Look, it’s all about branding. If we lose control of our name then what? Heck, we’ve got county spelling bee champions lined up around the block applying for positions at the new plant. That’s good enough for me.”

Gargoyles Plan To Form Shooting Team

Gargoyles competition shooting team

Gargoyles Competition Shooting Team Captain Grog Photo: thecelticcroft.com

According to recent reports from AmmoLand.com, the Gargoyles intend to form a new competitive shooting team. Traditionally known for their fearsome appearance, Gargoyles have not historically been recognized for their agility and speed. According to industry insiders, that reputation is about to change.

“People generally think of rock sculptures as slow and inflexible” comments Don Draper, Vice President of Marketing for Gargoyles Eyewear. “Just because they’re evil and mean looking doesn’t mean that they can’t shake and bake on the course of fire. Plus they have the added benefit of scaring away evil spirits. But the thing that really attracted us to the whole competitive Gargoyle concept was that most Gargoyles have wings and we expect them to literally fly through complex courses in major USPSA competitions.”

Gargoyles Eyewear Shooting Team

Gargoyles Eyewear Shooting Team

Rumors have been circulating for some time that the Gargoyles have been training in more sedentary shooting sports such as Benchrest and NRA Bullseye to prepare for their entre into the action shooting arena. “We’ve been really impressed by the stability and resulting accuracy that these Gargoyles have been able to achieve.” stated Wayne LaPierre, Executive Director of the National Rifle Association. “They just sit there and don’t flinch – like they were made of stone or something.”

Gargoyles Eyewear will be equipping the new team with proven eye protection designs including the Classic and Veil Series but will also leverage the teams exposure in the shooting community to launch the all-new ‘Rock Solid’ series. According to unnamed sources, the Rock Solid line will feature 325% UV protection and unsurpassed durability. “These things will last an eternity” bragged Draper.

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