Blade-Tech Releases Next Generation Bacon Hybrid Holster

Blade-Tech Bacon Hybrid Holster

Blade-Tech Bacon Hybrid Holster

Blade-Tech, leading manufacturer of injection molded tactical holsters, knife sheaths and magazine pouches today announced availability of their next generation hybrid holsters.

“Our new hybrid line combines what are the finest three materials known to man – kydex, leather, and bacon” bragged Blade-Tech CEO Ben Cartwright. “After we announced our new kydex / leather hybrid holsters earlier this year, we immediately started thinking about ways to reach the next level of defensive culinary performance.”

Clayton Moore as The Lone Ranger

Clayton Moore as The Lone Ranger

One of the primary objectives of the new triple hybrid line was ease and speed of draw. Blade-Tech product managers tested thousands of materials before settling on bacon as the foundation of the new holster. Early customers agree with the choice and recognize distinct speed of draw advantages. “This new bacon holster is sure slick on the draw” gushed Clayton Moore, better known as The Lone Ranger. “I have to admit that the whole rig can get a little greasy at times, but on the plus side, it’s a heck of a lot easier to put on my tight cowboy pants now.”

Industry insiders were given advance looks at the new holster line. Roy Huntington, Editor of American Handgunner Magazine recently completed a comprehensive review of the new triple hybrid. “Mmmmmm. Bacon” purred Huntington.

Asked about future versions of the bacon holster, Cartwright replied “You might look for a double thick version in the near future. We think its a good way to consolidate an hour or so’s worth of emergency rations right in the holster itself.”

Happy Thanksgiving from My Gun Culture!

Hiding turkey

Cheaper Than Navel Lint Files Chapter 11

Navel Lint Fluff

Navel lint fluff collected by librarian Graham Parker

In a prepared statement released today, upstart online shooting sports discounter Cheaper Than Navel Lint announced that it has filed for bankruptcy protection.

Few industry insiders were surprised today by Cheaper Than Navel Lint’s bankruptcy announcement. While company leaders have always expressed confidence, few outside the firm were optimistic about the company’s ability to compete with established online shooting supplies retailer Cheaper Than Dirt, America’s Ultimate Shooting Sports Discounter.

“We thought we had a really good business model” stated the company’s CEO, Michael Bloomberg. “From day one, our objective was to compete head on with CheaperThanDirt.com. Obviously dirt is pretty cheap, but we thought there was room for improvement. After all, dirt is not free and some people even pay for it. We were pretty optimistic that we could find something even cheaper than dirt and use that as the foundation of our marketing campaign.”

According to early investor, librarian Graham Barker, the idea to form the company came to him after years of collecting his own navel lint. “When the people from the Guinness Book of World Records declared my 26 year old collection of navel lint as the world’s largest, I started thinking about ways to turn a profit from my creepy habits.” stated Barker. “It was pure chance that I met Michael Bloomberg at an infomercial product convention. Once he told me of his search to find something cheaper than dirt, I knew we had the foundation for a great partnership.”

After 18 months of operation, the firm failed to make any product sales, which ultimately led to the bankruptcy filing. “I’m ready to give it another shot” stated an upbeat Bloomberg. “Next time we’ll probably go with a marketing campaign that’s a little less disturbing though.”

Infected armed robbery?

From Marooned

Thugs rob convenience store with… bacterial infection?

Wisconsin Man, 67, Shoots Dancing With The Stars

Anger management?

Dancing with the Stars Bristol Palin

Pennsylvania Castle Doctrine Bill At Risk Due To Shortage Of Castles

Druim Moir Castle

Druim Moir Castle

York, PA – Close on the heels of a Pennsylvania House 161-35 vote, the state’s new Castle Doctrine Bill is already at risk of failure. Not due to Governor Ed Rendell’s threat of veto, but from a more insurmountable hurdle – a severe shortage of qualified castles in the state.

According to unnamed authorities, the Keystone State only has 29 qualified castles. “You would think that as the Keystone State, we would have plenty of castles” complained Henry Thaytth, Director of Development for Pennsylvania’s Castle Development Commission. “After all, the word keystone does sort of imply castle-like buildings and other large things built from rocks.”

Authorities in the Pennsylvania Department of Castle Numerology and Naming concede that the state is light on castle doctrine locations. “Yes, we’re behind the curve, and its true that 8 of our castles are unnamed at this point and one of them is really just a kids playhouse” stated Thaytth. “But look on the bright side, we’ve got castles with really European sounding names like Druim Moir, Ballytore, and Glencairn. Most chicks are impressed by that when I tell them.”

White Castle Restaurant

White Castle Restaurant

The state has recently implemented controversial efforts to up its castle count by including White Castle locations. Many are opposed to this practice on principle only, as the state currently does not have any White Castle Restaurants. “I can’t really discuss the details of our negotiations with the state” commented White Castle CFO Gordon Gecko. “Let’s just say that what’s worth doing is worth doing for money. By the way, if you need a friend, get a dog.”

Zombies Spotted In Arizona

From Reuters…

Zombies spotted on Arizona highway

Credit: Reuters/Stoyan Nenov

Vegetable, I Mean Special, Forces

From Every Day No Days Off gun blog…

Saudi Special Forces fieldcraft

Saudi Special Forces Fieldcraft Ghillie Suits

Source: (AP Photo/Hassan Ammar)

Van Shot But Not Arrested For Engine Backfiring Offense

From Marooned..

http://stuckinmassachusetts.blogspot.com/2010/11/people-on-edge.html

GunUp.com Trounces GunDown.com In First Quarter Of Operation

GunUp.com the future of guns online

GunUp.com

Today, GunUp.com CEO Ben Cartwright announced dramatic market share increases over arch-rival GunDown.com. On the companies quarterly analyst call, Cartwright explained that recent research indicates that GunUp.com enjoys a 99.94% market share of the gun enthusiast online community market compared to GunDown’s .06% share.

Admittedly, the competitors have slightly different target audiences. GunUp.com’s mission is to “provide prospective, new, and experienced gun enthusiasts with a one-stop destination to share, discuss, review, and compare guns with confidence.” On the other hand, GunDown.com caters to a more metrosexual audience, including men who wear scarves during the summer, cry during Oprah re-runs, and get periodic bikini waxing. “Our audience is actually more inclusive than that” explained CEO Al Franken. “We cater to all sorts of pantywaists regardless of whether they live in metropolitan areas or not.”

Al Franken Air America

Al Franken Air America

GunUp.com’s market dominance highlights Franken’s second major media failure. Previously, Franken was instrumental in the fall and subsequent bankruptcy of admittedly leftist radio program, Air America. “I don’t know why you guys keep bringing up Air America” whined Franken. “It wasn’t our fault that people didn’t know better than to listen to our program. I bet Rush Limbaugh and the vast right wing conspiracy are behind this GunUp.com thing too. It’s just not fair, and as a United States Senator, I am going to introduce legislation to stop this nonsense.”

GunUp.com anticipates a bright future and has garnered an impressive early following.  “Having perhaps the largest online gun comparison database in the world really helped GunUp.com start an interactive community” explained spokesperson Veronica Corningstone of Laura Burgess Marketing. “We were pretty firm in our belief that having actual data as the foundation of our offering would be of value to our users. Plus, our users can actually read, which has proved to be a tremendous competitive advantage over GunDown.com.”

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