The Israeli Defense Force (IDF) recently fielded a new top-secret weapon designed to secure border areas. A covert IDF operative, recently back from deployment, and blogging under the code name Doubletapper, describes the new weapons system:

Israel's CCAD (Cud Chewing Antelope of Doom) Defense System

The latest addition to the arsenal: a group of African antelope, each weighing nearly 1100 pounds. The antelope have been stationed on Israel’s border with Lebanon, to eat up the “problematic foliage that distorts views of the Lebanese side and within which Hezbollah guerrillas could hide.” The beasts, known as “Elands,” were introduced to Israel from east Africa in the 1970s, to fill zoos. But when these animals “impressive chewing abilities were discovered,” the animals were recruited by the military.

“The Elands eat tremendous quantities and do a wonderful job clearing the weeds at enormous or secret military installations, and in places where there are ammunition storerooms, where the fear of fires is greater. In these places the Elands save on manpower and obviate the need for spraying chemical herbicides.” There are now “between 500 and 700 Elands” at military bases throughout Israel.

The new weapons platform, code named CCAD (Cud Chewing Antelope of Doom) is already in front line deployment. The first iteration of the new system does not include first strike capability; however upgrades are planned for the near future. According to Lieutenant General Gabi Ashkenazi, “We hope to mount up to three Hellfire missiles on each paunch of the antelope with a hard point mount for a single Stinger anti-aircraft missile on the beasts head. We’re confident about the amount of offensive punch we can pack onto this platform. These animals are pretty offensive as it is, so adding Hellfire’s will really make them formidable in the field. We do anticipate battlefield intelligence being a potential problem though.”

General Ashkenazi offered no comment when asked about rumors of a new emu based land attack system.